Change the future since the past cant be changed

Clueless and uncertain

2011-02-01T23:47:00.000-08:00

Just went to Fairypoint 7 for Company event again. Really, complicated feelings this time.

"To be or not to be, that's a question" has never once been forgotten at all.

Kinda lost at what I should do for the upcoming times, which is then the best solution, what is it that i really want; I am totally clueless for once.

Well, at the chalet, was talking to a couple of my colleagues, helped with the bbq-ing of food and also some basic clearing up? Hahax, yea, was trying very hard to keep myself preoccupied and avoiding some people....

At night, after all the bbq-ing, was asked to sit in the drinking session, which terrified me ttm.. It was freaking Vodka and Martel with mixer...In the end, became i was part of the drinking game somemore.

Played saboteur, yea some wins and losses, by the time i was at my 3rd cup of Martel with Ginger Eel, I'm already starting to feel damn dizzy. Stopped the game and watched them played, they played heart attack too...Man that was another crazy one. Lots of dramatic things happened then which was super funny...

After that, by the time they finished the game, I was slowly back to my normal mode. While the others were sleeping, I went out for a stroll and thought through some stuff, and the only conclusion that I can come up with was : to finish up with my school projects as their deadlines are pressing, then really reconsider and reset my goals on what I really want, and then, what I need to do..Honestly speaking, I'm not sure if I can pull through the 3rd time and 'revive' over there. In fact, I wasnt even sure if it was a right choice to hang in there for so long in the first place. All the feelings I had was that it was a wrong choice from the start, but just that Im in a denial mode to admit I chose wrongly.

Oh well, to be or not to be; for once i cant even assure myself what future I wanna give for myself, nor what to do..

Awesome Multi cam group

2011-01-24T08:33:00.001-08:00

mixed feelings..

2011-01-18T09:07:00.000-08:00

well, supposed to be watching Joy Luck Club right now, cause my cross cultural assignment is based on that, but im super distracted... oh well oh well, hence writing this post..

these few nights have been awfully weird...all the negativity are like surging into me.. is like, extreme and fast mood swings, 1 moment i feel motivated, and another i feel like giving everything up and taking a break..super ironic and insanely emotional, even i myself cant believe that i can be so emotional..

another weird things is that the telepathy feeling that i can 'sense' from the people whom i care, is coming back....starting to have breathing difficulty more and more often recently, not only that occasionally i tend to feel surges of heartaches as well...wonder who is the one feeling this way, is that all from the same person?? hope that he will be alright..

time to get back to my assignments..oh my tian -.-

Murphy's law is not a hear-say thing

2011-01-15T08:11:00.000-08:00

Had the first ever real television studio recording a few days ago...That was super super stress!!! Arrgh!!

Almost everything cocked up that day!! OMG!!

Firstly, pitch session, our group didnt know that we were required to submit a hard copy of the finalised proposal. Then, I went down on behalf of my group to go to the lab to do the proposal. That was a mad rush, trying to finish half a proposal within like 10 - 20 min?

And after that, when I was printing, i was called back to class to finish up the presentation first, damn i was missing from class for like almost 40min. And, 40min to print that few pieces of paper is like obviously absurd...

Well, that's only the pitch session part. Level 3 of hell comes in for the 1 + 2 recording.

Our guest to be interviewed was MIA!!! WTH!!

Everyone in the group became very stressed up and panicky. Almost every aspect in our multi cam will be marked down because of that...Oh my tian, and grades meant so much to the girls.

Nevertheless, thankfully for having a guy in our group who is calmed, composed and rational. Really thankful for Vance being in our group. As i see the girls panicking and frustrated, I was feeling frustrated too. But i know that i cant show as a studio director, i have to lead them, in fact, i have to lead the whole team of almost 10 people. if i panick and show all my negativity and frustrations, the rest wont be led well... and that will bring even more harm to the recording.

Slowly, one by one, more issues surfaced.

1. VT had problem recording

2. Audio file cant be read - may result in no opening music and no music for VT

3. CG machine down

Despite all the cock ups, thankfully.. Vance's calmness made me cool down bit by bit.. Although i tried to act as if everything was still going within our control, (well, dont know if how well i acted it out) but yea, TingKe knew me too well.. She knew that it was still an act afterall. Was trying to be as calm as Vance, thought of solutions on the spot, as fast as i could, and slowly solved them eventually one by one..

Nevertheless, BIG THANK YOU FOR T04 FOR MULTICAM CLASS!!! You guys are the best classmates I ever have! This is the second time I enjoyed being in tp cmm, really.. You guys took so much initiative to help my group up. Even though there were so many cock ups and so much passing of instructions, you guys could understand what I wanted despite there were so many sets of my different instructions. Worst still, I was so stressed up that I honestly didnt have any idea of what i was saying, whether was it clear to my crew. I just shot what I thought of, but no idea if the message was conveyed correctly. But amazingly, you guys actually knew what I was referring to! That was like a miracle!!!

All in all, the recording went smooth; after like 3 or 5 times of recording and 2 actual ones...In total we repeated the same thing for like going to 10 times??? From 11am, briefing, trying out till recording till 1230pm. Must be super tiring and exhaustive for you guys, but thanks for your utmost cooperation!

shagged from inside out

2011-01-15T07:47:00.000-08:00

Really feel exhausted for the month of December and January. What a bad way to end 2010 and start 2011...

It is really, really hard to balance both work and school. Everything seems to be off balance, and because of that, a lot of commotions and issues are rising up at the same time, draining at least twice or even thrice of the amount of energy that is draining as compared to previously...

Lots of casualties caused due to me...really sorry for those who cared for me. I do know that at my current stage and condition right now, i cant make any more promises...but the only thing i can assure now to you all will be that i will do to my best, and please everyone as much as i can. I totally have no idea how much i can do, but i only know that i will give in my best effort to make everything as nice as possible.

But honestly speaking, personally, i feel like throwing everything aside and hide myself...but i know that this is gonna disappoint everyone even further. i may be staggering and super unstable for now, but i know that if i were to leave everything like that, things will only get worse...

Wish me all the best, may everything turn out fine..

Simplicity times are priceless

2011-01-04T23:54:00.000-08:00

Well, had i-guides sub comm meeting yesterday. Did some calling to the normal guides, recapped some of the cheers that we usually do and we were briefed about what we are supposed to do on the Open House itself.

Lots of fun and laughter again, it has been such a long time since i am so relaxed, not thinking about work or school...The feeling was awesome, just a group of fun and wild friends coming together, doing something in common, livening up the atmosphere :) It has been so long since I found myself in such state of happiness. Really, really thankful for the guides, they have never failed to make me enjoy my poly life to the max =D

Emo Dec

2010-12-27T03:45:00.000-08:00

Well, it is coming to an end of 2010... The day is eventually here. How much I wanted it to come when I was still taking Sem 2.1, it is finally here. How badly I want the day not to come, it is nearing day by day, and nothing can stop it.

He is finally sick, after all the long fight that he has put up with for the past...one year ?( as much as I know) cause i didnt know the past..All i know is that he has been putting up strong ever since 2010 started.

After all the intense fights that come one after another, he persevered, refusing to admit defeat. No matter how tough how pessimistic things could have been, he hid them within himself, not wanting the others to know. As much as his eyes were tired and lonely, he said nothing. All he did was only to give himself to the max, in fact over his limits to his team mates. He left nothing for himself.

Nevertheless, Im thankful that he is sick actually, cause it is only this time, he can have some time for himself, really... He thought too much for others, and hid all the negativity and fears too well beneath himself...It's really time to rest and re-charge. May you get well soon...

Time still goes by even as i am blogging, lots of revelations dawned upon me... A lot of things that it is only at this time, i suddenly realised, i neglected too many precious moments, many precious memories, people, things and places..Lots of things i wanted to do before the year ends but i no longer have the power, the strength and courage to fulfill them all. There are a lot of things I've yet to do, lots of appreciation yet to thanks, lots of apologies yet to owned up for my mistakes, and the year is coming to an end.

What's worse is that instead of facing them all in the remaining few days that I have for the year, I chose to escape. I have a strong urge to cast everything aside and leave the mess alone. What cowardice I am. Indeed, an act of an incapable leader, only to show myself that even under such strong training and guidance i've yet to improve. Only to realise that I am still the same old me, no wonders if they are disappointed in me...

Now, really, it is already the 27 dec of 2010, 4 more days to go...What else can I do? In fact, what should I do? Is there even a chance for me to end everything gloriously? Or i should do nothing and wait for things to happen?

18 year old cant be manager is it?

2010-11-15T22:09:00.000-08:00

LOLOOLLOL!!!!

Something funny happened in class today! =D And this shall always be etched in my memory, another amazing, ridiculously sounding experience that I have, thanks to Premier Pure and my BGM, Mr Adrian.

Well, this late morning I had Cross Culture make up class today and as I will be going to office straight from school, I wore my formal wear to class straight. And here's the conversation.

Ms Chuah : Why are you so formal today?

Me: Cause I got work later.

Ms Chuah: Oh, so where are you working at?

Me: I work in Bugis

Ms Chuah: So you work as what?

Me: I'm a Marketing Manager there..

Upon hearing this, her response was," huh??!!!" She was so shocked that her jaws cant close!!! LOL. She froze there for a moment in disbelief.. Then there i was sitting at my seat thinking "er, is the fact that she has a student who is a manager that amazing that she cant believe, or she just cant expect or even accept that I am actually a manager??"

But whatever the case was, I kinda regretted not fixing an appointment with her to let her know more about the company and our devices. Nevertheless, I will be approaching them regarding my SIP, since I do have the intention to have my SIP in Premier Pure :)

Definitely, I won't be able to forget this day. Stunning people with my achievement as a manager. But then again, great thanks to Premier Pure for this opportunity and Mr Adrian for grooming me to be who I am today =D

Bored in lectures

2010-11-07T23:59:00.000-08:00

Haha, cant believe it, I'm blogging during lecture!!! This shows how boring lectures can be. Maybe I should rephrase, my attention span is never long enough to last for a lecture. Much more, today got 2 consecutive lectures at a go! Oh my tian.

Meanwhile, more and more assignments are coming up. I can start to feel the stress and tension in my head on how to clear the assignments. Also, I can feel the need to step up for my work too. He is helping me again this time. And he has never failed me when he comes all the way to help. Thus, really this time, I cant afford to fail again. I need to show something. I gotta do something.

However, no matter how much I'm thankful and grateful for his help and feeling obliged to push myself to the greater heights. I can feel myself getting lethargic before going full blast for both school and work. Goodness me, I havent even started on my assignments. Neither have I started to work! I have been slacking too much and yet i feel lethargic..Oh how great can this be...

Well, this sem, I can really see myself surviving on Mocha and Red Bull. This time, one thing additional - Koi!!! I love to drink Koi, especially the Green Milk Tea. (hmm, the Ice Cream Tea isn't as nice though)^^Furthermore, I got to know that Koi offers Phone Orders too!!! That is making me even more addicted to it. Have been spending too much money on it, but nevertheless is worth it! Damn nice!!

Sem 2.2 is here

2010-11-02T21:56:00.001-07:00

Well, it has been 2 weeks since this semester started. Thankful that I'm in the same tutorial class as my year 1 clique, no more awkward tensions in class especially when it comes to group projects. There are awkward silences still when it comes to choosing your group members, but at least, I'm no longer trapped in those awful moments.

EXCEPTION - Radio class. Again, again, my radio / audio class is always freaking screwed, last semester audio production almost killed me, this semester radio production im chucked into a class whereby i barely know the rest of my classmates.

Is fate trying to force me to get out of my comfort zone for my course???

Unusually, this semester has a fair share of examination subjects.. Hmm, good and bad. Good cause i prefer to study for exams than projects since for exams right is right, wrong is wrong. Whereas for projects, there will always be stiff competitions amongst the cohort :( And for exams, is own time own target, I need not compromise my schedules with others as much as before. But the bad side is, once the exams start, it means full blast mugging..

Haha, that's school so far. Work has been going smoothly recently too! Super thankful :)

10/10/10

2010-10-10T09:50:00.000-07:00

Haha, another memorable day!!

10 Oct 2010 - 10/10/10!!!

Well, have been too busy to update my blog recently, will upload everything soon! :)

Officially 18th

2010-10-01T19:58:00.000-07:00

Happy Birthday to ME!!!

Currently enjoying my sweet 18!! LOL, even though 18 is a memorable birthday when majority of the teens will hold a chalet, go to pubs and clubs etc. But this year I chose to spend my birthday in Premier Pure.

What I did on my birthday? Er, basically recruitment :) It feels kinda weird having to work on your birthday, but nevertheless, I will never forget this year's birthday in fact, my first birthday spent in Premier Pure..Hahax

Also, a week after this, my family and I went to Genting, it was damn boring cause I was underaged for Casino :( The limit was 21 when I'm only 18.... Sians. But at least the 3D2N spent there was some quality time with my family, getting to know each other better. Even though Genting was a boring place if tourists don't go to the casino, at least we had our fill of the food there. The food were damn delicious! And guess what, almost every meal we dined at a restaurant! =D Haha, enjoyment ttm!

Saw a few interesting stuff there, like portrait drawings, wood carvings, Mongolian scent bags for wishes like health, wealth, career etc. And that actually re-sparked off my interests in drawing.

Sometimes I do wonder, " Do I really hate drawings that much?" or was it just that I refused to put in effort to practice and improve on my drawings to such an extent whereby I programme myself to think that I suck at art and have no talent in it thus no point continuing?

Come to think of it, since young, art is the one of the few things that can train my patience and concentration. Even though everytime after completing a picture at the end of the drawing class drains me out entirely, I do find myself focused and a little interested to want to complete the picture.

Other than art, I was forced to conquer my fear of heights, and stupidly enough was to take something that I banned myself from since years ago - taking the damn bubble lift. In the end, yea I took the damn transparent lift, but my fear of heights is still that severe....

Well, $50 singapore dollars was enough for me to last 3 days 2 nights though, not very fun, but at least relaxed and recharged :)

Sep is ending~

2010-09-25T07:26:00.000-07:00

Well, another month is passing soon and what have i done? Practically useless, meaningless stuff...

But before I start ranting about all the unproductive activities that I did, I would like to thank whoever or whatever the force or the 'magic' that made me passed ALL my modules for this semester. I ACTUALLY PASSED MY AUDIO PRODUCTION! What a miracle!!! This is totally luck and blessings man. I always thought that it is a doomed module for me, it turned out to be a narrow escape indeed. Really, really great thanks and appreciation and gratitude etc....

For work wise, yea, totally unproductive. A month is ending and yet I have not generated any sales from my downlines. In fact, I crashed my organisation with my own hands again. Yes, again. Last month I took a week to crash an organisation of 5, this month I took a month to crash an organisation of 8. No wonder why I am labelled the Destructive Girl...

Well, there's a lot of unhappiness that occured and negativity that surrounded me, causing me to be emotional...Too much to be typed in fact. Whats the weirdest or maybe i should say shocking thing is that all these overwhelming feelings just shot me at a go and in fact, I feel that all these feelings just destroyed me instantly...Not only did I doubted myself, my ability, my confidence was totally shaken and I would say that the feeling was as though reaching the bottleneck of the limits that I could take.

I lost my goals, I could no longer see my dreams, I have lost my vision and purpose, but in front of him, I know it is ridiculous to show and give up because of all these downs and emo-ism. I know that I have to act tough, I have to act as though Im fine and strong. I do know that he is coming all the way down to help me, and in fact trying to use harsh methods on me to make me break through my limits. Really thanks to him. His method is really effective I would say, to put me on tough means as a form of wake up call for me to improve and to know how weak I am...

Holidays!~

2010-08-17T20:58:00.000-07:00

Well, having my YOG break now, but audio production assignment not completed and BMR exam coming up... :( Sad life, still tied down by schooling afterall.

Everyday, I have to tell myself, Eileen, you only have 1.5 years more of school to go, and I have enjoyed myself by going I-guides! I-guides, remember how much fun and changes it brought me back in year 1??

In terms of looking at time as a Poly student, Poly life is seriously fast and short, but as a Marketing Manager who is fighting hard to build her organisation, 1.5 years seem an eternity.

Taking this break as a chance to convert to a full-time Marketing Manager, I find myself having a routine schedule everyday, but somehow, I find it fruitful and beneficial. Even though I'm just doing recruitment, training and calling everyday, I feel myself understanding myself more and more as time goes by. No wonder they say that we can expect change in terms of personal development..

Anaconda, here we are

2010-08-09T20:54:00.000-07:00

Well, the new BGM group is confirmed. We are now known as Anaconda! O yeah~

Here's some information about Anacondas...

Anacondas in the wild spend most of their time hanging out in rivers hunting for their food. They are solitary creatures that are somewhat shy and not many of them are easily seen.
They are members of the boa constrictor family of snakes.
They kill their prey by coiling their large, powerful bodies around their victims and squeezing until their prey suffocates or is crushed to death and dies from internal bleeding. Then the snake unhinges its jaw and swallows the victim whole.
Anacondas are much more likely to eat aquatic creatures, such as fish. Occasionally, they have been known to eat: caimans (a relative of the alligator), other snakes, deer, and even jaguars.
Anacondas are rather slow-moving snakes, so they have to rely on stealth and the element of surprise to catch their unsuspecting prey.

*Information taken from http://www.extremescience.com/zoom/index.php/creepy-crawlies/10-biggest-snake

Dare it a not

2010-08-06T05:48:00.001-07:00

Last day of school today...Second last assignment - Audio Production Group Project submitted finally..

Thanks to the project, cause my group did sorta last minute work, we rushed like mad several days before. Luckily we managed to complete it on time, but I felt quite inferior as compared to some of the other groups. I got a feeling is another C, and that means, I gotta take the supp paper. Well, leave it to fate if I would have to take the supp paper :(

Oh yea, I had free lunch today as well. Each care person was given $100 to spend on our class, and yea, ours treated us a scrumptious meal of Pizzas. We all had a filling, delicious meal =D

Next up of the day, it was already evening by the way, since my Friday classes for this semester end at around 6pm. Thus, I went to Changi Airport before Manager training today. Although my initial idea was to chill there, I ended up doing my Public Speaking Quizzes. How sad that was...Meanwhile, I got myself a free dinner too. Thanks to the Ya Kun voucher that my mum gave me, I managed to save cost on dinner since the voucher is a set of free Kaya Toast meal. Erm, not exactly filling cause that kinda meal was meant for breakfast and I ended up having that as dinner. But, at least better than nothing...

Went to the Changi Aviation Gallery to enjoy the night scenery and to do my quizzes. At least, I felt calmer a bit more.. I don't feel that panicky and angst as before. However, that was really temporary. Too bad, but guess this time I'm really drained. I felt as if all my energy was zapped out of me. Guess I will need quite some time to recharge myself.

At the Gallery, I met a group of teens who were playing Truth or Dare, and tone of their dares were to sing a song to a stranger. Tada, i was chosen! There is this girl with brown dyed hair (quite goldish colour in fact) with mascara came up to me and sung the song Sha Gua to me =D LOL...Meanwhile, her friend video-taped the scene down...haha. that is pretty courageous I must say.

This is another lesson learnt today - be courageous, be daring to do what you have to do...

Time really flies, my 're-charge' was barely an hour, and I have to leave for my manager's training. First was clarification in terms of submitting of sales and leveraging of PV from down-lines by Mr Dewy, and after that was on recruitment done by Mr Charles. The training took approximately an hour and after that, I went to chill out with some of the guys...

As the finale of the day, we walked down to Clark Quay to take the night rider. It took me a freaking one hour for a bus, and another hour plus to reach home. That was my virgin night rider trip home. Hmm, nice scenery throughout the whole journey. Seriously, night sight-seeing is also awesomely fabulous. But I only reached home at like 2 plus close to 3 in the morning... That's like really really late for a traditional Chinese family...

New BGM Group (named to be confirmed)

2010-08-02T08:14:00.000-07:00

No longer is mr adrian's BM group..now we are known as Mr Adrian's BGM Group!!!

End of July, all sales submitted, all our rankings and results collated..

Final updates of July:

Mr Adrian - Business Group Manager
Ms Sherry - Business Manager
Mr Raymond - Business Manager
Mr Jing Wen - Marketing Manager
Sheila - Marketing Executive
Charles - Marketing Executive
Jia Hong - Marketing Representative

PS: I'm not exactly sure for Charles and Jia Hong, cause they have been missing to submit their Distributor Application forms..Hope they got their positions though.

Now, we have to come up with a new name for ourselves!! Wonder what will we be called. Another piece of good news, as Mr Adrian's BGM Group, we are the strongest and largest team of PP!!! I heard that we have like 13 BMs =D Power sio~

Other promos that I know are as follow:

Miss Lixia - Business Group Manager
Mr Theron - Business Manager
Mr Jing Xiang - Business Manager
Mr Wei Jun - Business Manager
Mr Sufian - Marketing Manager

Awesome fight put up for the month guys! Good job!!

PP ftw!

Last day of fight

2010-08-01T22:30:00.000-07:00

Today was the last day for sales for me before the GSS quota ends...

Mr Adrian called for another group-up today, and I officially raised the white flag to fight for the month...

I wonder if is that I am escaping, I seem to run away from everything that I don't want to face. Initially motivated to clear 7000PV to become a Business Manager, I was reduced to simply give up and waste the precious last day away.

As a result, I had lunch at Bras Basah MacDonalds and had a chat with them, followed by spending the whole day on playing and shopping...

Hmm, didn't have much fun today actually, even though I tried to act to be lively and sporty. This victory is not at all glorious, it wasn't supposed to be meant for me even. I shouldn't have such good times with them...

Here's what we did for the entire day:

1.Travelled to Bugis Junction to shop around

2. Went to Illuma - the guys went guys shopping and girls went girls shopping (but then, the girls went to play arcade instead)

3.Walked over to Suntec City & Marina Square to shop for formal clothes and wallet

4. Dinner at Marina Square Food Court

5. Night sight-seeing at River Valley apartment

And yea, the finals is confirmed..I am promoted to a Marketing Manager, with 36 900PV to go to become a Business Manager.

Dad is effing anal

2010-07-28T05:22:00.000-07:00

Sometimes, I do hope, I do not have parental love...

I know I will yearn for it, just like how i envied Quan Feng with his mum, so heartwarming, so cosy..The trust amongst them is amazing...If only my dad is willing to trust people that much, pity that he doesn't..And his skeptism and distrust is driving everyone in the house nuts..Is like, the cliche analogy of kite-flying, the tighter you hold on, the faster it will snap.

He seems to be desperately trying to grab on the family, but the grab is so tight on us that we are running away. It is getting too strong for us that we wanna escape..

Dear Lord,

I'm not sure if this is too much to ask for, because I admit I havent been good these days. But I pray that you can help my dad in relieving, his grasp on us is seriously too much for us to take. I pray that he will learn to loosen up and set the family free. I pray that you will bless everyone in the family happiness and freedom.

In Jesus name I pray,
Amen

Offically a Marketing Manager

2010-07-27T10:10:00.000-07:00

Awesome day I had! Thanks to Mr Adrian, I am now an Marketing Manager (MM)!

And this day, 27 July 2010, I was still panicking about how to hit MM initially, because I was left with 2000 PV to clear. Thus, I wanted to approach my neighbour for help.

However, whilst I was in school, Mr Adrian called me and wanted to meet me in Pasir Ris before my appointment (I wanted to surprise visit my neighbour again). When I meet Mr Adrian in Pasir Ris, he rode me back to Tampines, not to visit my neighbour, but Quan Feng (my supposedly downline)

Thus, it was another appointment, another lesson - converting recruitment to personal sales. Everytime with him is always a new lesson learnt for the day...Yepps, and Mr Adrian didn't fail me again, he did it. He closed 2 Singles and 1 O3 with Quan Feng's mum.

That is how I became a Marketing Manager...

After the appointment, as we were walking, he asked me, "Eh, Eileen, MM already eh. How you feeling?"

I kept quiet, and gave a small forced smile....

Honestly speaking, sometimes I really hoped that Mr Adrian will failed me. Even if is once, is alright too. I felt that I owed him too much. There he is fighting so hard for us, here I am not putting in my best effort. All I was thinking was to run away from reality.

Again, this time. If not for Mr Adrian, I would not become a Marketing Manager. It wasn't even my fight, not even my utmost effort. Seriously, I owe all this to him...

Subsequently, many PP people asked me the same question, "Miss Eileen, MM already, how you feel?"

Logically speaking, I should have gave a wide smile and answered, "Yes, I'm finally an MM!" or maybe something like, "Yea, finally MM already!" But no, this is not a glory victory. I wasn't happy that I became a MM like that. This was suppose to be meant for Mr Adrian, not me. I don't deserve this.

All I could do, is smile awkwardly and forcefully, not knowing what to answer...

Sometimes, I do think, I rather Mr Adrian and Ms Sherry fail me at times, or perhaps hurt me or make me go through some rough patches. I really owe them too much, and I doubt that I can return them enough.

Really Thank You to you two, my dearest Mr Adrian and Ms Sherry.

Premier Pure

2010-07-20T05:23:00.000-07:00

Alright, i realised that I am mia from my blog again. Well, recently, had a chalet with Premier Pure. Awesome!!! No longer in VE, fresh new beginning and that's PP! =D

The chalet was at Changi (Fairypoint), exactly same place as CMM's chalet..LOL

I cabbed there with Ms Sherry, Sheila, Charles, Sufian and his downline. Thankfully that it was the same place as CMM Chalet, cause I instructed the taxi driver according to my vague impression of my way. Meanwhile, Sufian's side lost their way in the midst of their journey. And, in the end, we reached there at 9pm and missed half of the product presentation of O3.

After that, was meet-up, talked amongst K9 and also amongst Mr Adrian's BM Group. Made a handful of new friends, er yea..but haven't been catching up on them ever since. But well, there's always chances. We played Uno Stacko too! Thrilling game, totally nerve-wrecking.

That was followed by supper (specially cooked by Mr Dewy and Mr Eric and a few other leaders whom I'm not sure who else) and an awesome game known as Vroom I think.

And the game goes like this:

1. Each time for our turn, we have to choose a direction we want the flow to go, so to direct left we do a left hand action and right for the right hand action.

However, we can do other stuff like shoot people or reverse direction.

2. If we reverse direction, the flow of the game changes

3. If we shoot other people, the person shot will have to block.

Meanwhile, the people sitting left and right of the victim must stand up and sing 2 lines of the National Anthem.

*Whoever did the wrong actions or have slow reactions, flour will be thrown on your face! Each time the amount thrown increases as the game goes on (increase level of difficulty). Hehehez

Yepps, we played that like from 12 am to i think 3am or 4am? Super fun, got flour all over my face and even shorts. But that's my first time playing with so many mentors, including Mr Dewey even. Everyone really played hard for the game. Awesome tons of fun!

After that, supposed to receive planning from Mr Adrian. While one by one of the group did planning with Mr Adrian, the rest of us took some chairs and sit on the grassland to enjoy the seaview from the chalet. In the end, I fell asleep on the chair till morning...

Ton over for a night, took several pictures, had a wholesome of fun.

Morning time!!

Had MacDonald breakfast with Mr Adrian's group in Tampines. Another period of quality time spent together =D After that, went home to wash up before going for lecture. Yepps, it was a Wednesday - Lecture Day at 11am. However, when I reached home, I was so tired that I fell asleep till like 1030am? And, super late for lecture. Thus, I made a decision. Self-declare off day! LOL

But I continued doing my projects that were on hand. After that, I went back to the chalet and continued with my Public Speaking slides. How sad it is to bring my work to chalets... :(

Next, I got distracted, because a group of them were playing this mind game which I cant exactly remember the name of the game. Not my kinda game though, cause it is mind and psychological games, super tiring for me. That day, I get to see Mr Charles for myself. He is another scary guy, he read people so well! Just a glance, and he can tell what the person is thinking, and what are his/her personalities I think. (well, that was what I read and feel from his eyes). Mysterious, but incredible.

After games, all of us have a meet up done by Mr Charles and BBQ together!

Finally, it was already like 10 plus at night again...How time flies. Well, decided to go home together with Sheila while the other managers have another meet up then.

However, on our way home, I was bitten by a centipede. Yes, a centipede. It was super duper painful the first night! I couldnt even sleep thanks to the pain. It is like, 2 needles stabbed in, and acid burnt that kind of pain!

I was limping even when walking to the nearest bus stop the very next instant I was bitten. That's how fast and intense the effect came. Knowing nuts about wildlife and survival situations, we called our dearest mentor - Mr Adrian to asked about it.

Guess what, his question to me was "On a scale of 1-10, how would you rate the pain? Given that 1 is the least and 10 is the most." Oh my tian, I can even hear the whole group of managers laughing out loud..So embarrassing..

Well, he suggested to find a nearest clinic, and sweet Sheila accompanied me. She even paid for the cab fare, and medical bill first cause I am like almost bankrupt. Thankfully she was there, if not I won't know what to do.

The pain was so bad that I didn't sleep for the night at all. Therefore, MC for the very next day, since leg was swollen and I couldn't even walk properly...

Check this out!

2010-07-12T00:21:00.001-07:00

A production done specially by Temasek Polytechnic, Diploma in Communications and Media Management.

2C01 '10, Audio Production Class - P01'10

Lip-Dub Video

Title of Song: So What

Artiste:Pink

Overwhelmed by negativity

2010-07-04T07:24:00.000-07:00

Honestly speaking, I am totally drowned in sadness and sorrow for this semester. Negativity is seriously overwhelming, and I don't seem to be able to get out of it any time now.

First, it is the never-ending projects. They just kept piling up. Well, if I didn't have to work, things might have been much better for me. But, it is impossible for me not to work, cause I desperately needed money. It is seriously tough to manage both at the same time, is extremely draining, be it physically or mentally.

Secondly, it is VE. Yes, another mention about VE again. But oh well, is my time management problem actually. I am supposed to be promoted long ago. But i keep getting stuck at my position. Last time was SA, now is SE...When will I ever get to earn my passive income and car??? :(

More downlines are coming in and they are climbing much faster than me. The feeling sure is awful..SUPER AWFUL.. Really feel like crying and giving up. But I know I can't. I want my car, I want to prove to my family that MLM is a do-able thing.

Thirdly, this is the aggravating factor. My paternal grandma has shifted in my house. Gotta share a room with my sis again. And, that means, have to allocate more time for my family. Be prepared anytime for another family political fight. Gotta change my lifestyle habits to complement people in the house too...

I AM SERIOUSLY VERY STRESSED!! THE NEGATIVITY IS TOTALLY TOO MUCH FOR ME!!

July is here, together with projects

2010-07-02T22:03:00.000-07:00

Oh well, July is here. Like finally?

It is not supposed to be finally since time is passing real fast when one enters Poly. Perhaps I have lost interest in studies for now, and I am daunted by projects because it is severely interfering my time spent to build my career. Once again, my career and academics is thrown off balance...

Year 2 is a total hell of me. I didn't like the modules at all. I really think that I chose the wrong course and wrong electives. Maybe is the people, really miss the times spent together with Yi Ting, Monica and Ting Ke. Unlike now, everything seem to be only sadness and negativity. Would things be better if I chose Chinese Newswriting as my elective? Or even will my entire Poly life be changed if I chose a Diploma in Business?

So far, I can only say, I am really enjoying myself in VE. There is so much to be learnt there. Life lessons. Sometimes, yea there are stress here and there, like working real hard for sales. There are times whereby I felt like breaking down and crying. But is the people there. See, the people make so much difference. They each have their past, and I really respect them for their determination and how they come this far in VE. Seriously, everyone of them have like countless of scars behind their backs. Nevertheless, they refuse to admit defeat. They chose to continue and move on, be it in life or in career. Frankly speaking, they are my role models to follow.

May July pass quickly so that my sem 2.1 is over and done with!! I don't want to drag this year. I want August to come fast so that I can focus more time in VE!!! But still, I pray that I can successfully clear all my modules this year. Failing the audio pro skills test made me lose confidence and become a pessimist completely.

Dear Lord,

I pray that I can pass all my modules this sem. This sem is really hard for me. Not only I'm worn out physically and mentally, my results for both academics and career are getting no where. Nevertheless, please bless me to pass all modules.

In Jesus name I pray,

Amen

Overcome fear

2010-06-20T08:43:00.000-07:00

It has been some time since I last posted, should combine what happened these few days into one again. Well, I'm supposed to rehearse my co-hosting and finish up my last Broadcast Journal, but I want to blog about these few days when the impressions are still within me.

Friday
Went to visit my cousin at her Fish Soup stall! Managed to close only a pillow pad, but still, at least better than nothing. She was super steady. When I approached her, the first thing she asked was how much and there she went to withdraw money from the ATM. Steady right? I was completely taken aback, and nodded my head, rooted to the spot. Then, my mentor asked me, " Why didn't you ask her to get another pillow pad for herself?"

I was still blanked out at that time, and it took me seconds to recover. There I went, taking another pillowpad and ran after her, trying to close more deals. Again, this time I failed. How many times have I failed to close deals? Even I myself lost track of that. But oh well, my confidence level is seriously not there, and yea, again, I failed to close the supposedly second deal.

This day wasn't a good day. I mean, quite glad that I managed to sell something, but my mentor was very sick. I wonder if is just that he is suffering from the stress syndromes or he has contracted gastric flu. As far as I know, the symptoms that he was having, was quite similar to the time that I had gastric flu back in my secondary school days. Not only he had diarrhea, he puked terribly too. In the end, he had blood shot eyes and a queasy stomach till he ate a banana hoping to reduce the uncomfortable feeling. Thankfully, that banana did help.

Hope he recovers soon, I really respect and admire him as a mentor. Got lots more to learn from him as I grow in VE..

Had a small talk with my BGM, Mr Eric. Man, he is really a very convincing speaker. Well, sort of expected that he will come and talk to me, cause I'm really taking far too long to reach my SE position. But, I get to know him better, he can read eyes and body language real well. As we might say, he is afterall a super experienced BGM, nothing from the newbies can be hidden from him. Thus, the talk was more about how I can strive harder for my promotion, which in fact is cause I wasn't really putting my wholehearted effort. I had to agree, I was too used to playing around with what I have and not wanting to step out to see what is available out there.

Saturday
Went to church today! Guess what, I wasn't that late today! Is this an improvement? Again, church people never fail to make me do random and wonderful things for the first time. First, after service, we went to the Science centre and played on some of the kiddy things there like Trampolin and Fireball. Don't underestimate these kiddy stuff. I was so restrictive and fearful that I didn't even want to try to ride them..After a while, I did have some attempts reluctantly, which I didn't enjoy cause I felt uncomfortable and awkward.

Then, on our way back, we cut through this condo. Oh yes, on our way to Science centre, we climbed over a private living estate's fence since we were all taking the shortcut - another first attempt in my life. Yea, on our way back, we decided to play a while in the playground of the condo. They encouraged me to sit on this wheel that is like a merry-go-round, and someone would spin it. The spinning was so fast that it felt like we were in a time-travel machine somehow. Amazing right, but I didn't like it too, I thought it was too adventurous for me. Haha, this shows how timid I'm brought up. After a while, it felt fun for a moment - when we all felt like we were traveling back in time. But, in return, we all got very busy, I was staggering when I got out of the wheel.

At night, a handful of us went to Leroy's place for dinner. Leroy and Michael were cooking for us! Both the brothers are awesome cooks! =D We had pasta, chilli crab, stir-fried chicken, and chicken-potato soup. Filling dinner, I helped out a tiny little bit in the cooking also. Really insignificant help. Because all I did was to try to kill 2 crabs. At the start, I didn't really want to kill, but after the first attempt, I found it so fun that I wanted to kill the other again. =) Funny me huh.

Dinner that night was really marvelous! Despite all the fun, there were work to do too :( After all the good food and clearing up, was rehearsing with Leroy on our co-hosting. Irritating co-hosting, spoiler of the night. Stayed there till about 11 plus, and yea, almost had to cab home somehow because by the time I reach Tampines, I wouldn't have any transport home but cab cause I was heading home from Yio Chu Kang..

Anything and everything can happen, gotta believe in that. Just as I was leaving, i called my mentor, wanting to get the presentation file from him, cause I was supposed to have an appointment on my own, on Sunday (which is the next day). Tada, help had arrived! He decided to pick me up from Yio Chu Kang MRT to head off to office, to get the file and send me home. Transport hom is settled! =D

And oh my tian, I would never believe this, he rode a bike to come and pick me up! I've never ridden on a bike before! I had no choice but to get the lift with the bike. AGAIN, another first attempt - to ride a bike! Wow, so many first times in a day :)

Tremendously horrified with the ride for the first, 10 min? It felt so much like a roller coaster for a first-timer like me! Then, my manager comforted me and told me that there was nothing to be scared of cause he was the one riding. Somehow, the first thing that came to my mind, was what I learnt in VE - trust, believe and follow. Yea, I have to trust him as a rider, and what's more he is my mentor whom I always looked up to and seeked guidance from. Upon regulating my breathing and changing the way I thought on riding, I overcame the fear and guess what, I enjoyed the whole trip back!

Met a handful of other BMs when we reached office, and we all stared at each other. Mr Adrian and I stared at them cause they were washing a car outside office when it was almost 12 midnight, while they stared at Mr Adrian and I cause firstly I was the passenger on the bike and we returned to office around 12 midnight... Hahax! Super late timing, I got his locker keys, rushed back to office to get all the files and relevant things out. After that, Mr Adrian rode me back home and had a small briefing on my plans for tomorrow.

Overall, the ride was amazing. Till now, I still can't believe it, just on that 3...values - trust, believe and follow- I was totally enlightened. A sudden rush of confidence swept through me, er, I think it was the speeding effect on the highway and yea, I suddenly felt that I became confident since I managed to be back in one piece safely after a bike ride all the way from Yio Chu Kang, to Eunos, and eventually back to Tampines. Just on the ride alone, I seemed to thought through a lot of things, and I am prepared for Sunday! Woohoo~

Sunday
Father's Day today. Another first time too! Today was the first time my sister brought me to facial. Virgin facial trip, and was with my sister somemore! Miraculously that my stingy sis was willing to sponsor me. Maybe I shouldn't call her stingy anymore, since that facial wash was freaking 80 bucks...

After the facial, went back home first, and had another debate with my dad. But this time, it wasn't so much of a debate, cause....I MANAGED TO CLOSE A SINGLE FROM HIM! Cool right? I am finally promoted to SE!! Like finally!! The talk took quite long, but still, it was worth it. All the hard work and perseverance were paid off. But on the downside, yea, I approached my dad for help again.. :(

After the deal, my dad and I went to meet up with my mom and sis at Tampines 1 for our parents' day dinner. If you are wondering why parents' day, is actually because my family missed our very own mother's day dinner for this year's mother's day. Thus, as a make up, we combined both father's day and mother's day dinners, we get parents' day dinner..

Short dinner we had, but glad that everyone enjoyed the food at Dian Xiao Er. It was a typical Chinese restaurant, and the food is pretty nice. Worth trying =D I suppose, this is what we call quality family time spent?

Always running away

2010-06-12T10:08:00.000-07:00

Sorry guys, gonna be another ranting post again...

Had my first outing with Mr Adrian's BM Group today, and i totally forgot to bring my camera.. How sad to miss my virgin's experience with these guys. But anyways, today's outing was lots of fun. We played LAN, ate KFC, ate Botak Jones (I think it is called like that) and caught a movie - Karate Kid.

I kept tearing during the movie cause my contacts were like almost falling off. But the movie is one key factor that triggered the tearing too. Meaningful movie - guess what, it taught us lots of VE values that can actually be applied in our everyday lives. For instance, emotional closing, breaking your limits, perseverance and many more!

Well, all these are the good memories that I have for the day. Now, time for all the unhappiness...

I am still running away from the reality. No matter how much I'm willing to accept myself for cowardice, but I'm really running away. My parental appointment. How many weeks have I been pushing back to close deals. I could have closed it weeks ago, but guess what I'm still stuck at. Just that few simple yet powerful words, they just won't come out from my mouth, and I'm not moving on at at all. How pathetic is that.

I need the strength, to actually open my mouth and be expressive to what I need. I really need the strength and the only source of the strength and courage, is only myself. ME MYSELF. Now, finally the time, when I have to face everything myself, no one to rely on. Honestly speaking, I have received too much help in the past that I have become over-reliant. Perhaps, it has reached a stage so bad that is also known as weaklings. But seriously, Marcus, Mr Adrian and Ms Sherry, they have been helping me too much more than I could ask for or in fact, I should ask for. I feel really bad and weak whenever they see me stressed up and come and talk to me...

I know I got to move on. I have to get back to my feet. I need the courage. But, only one way to do so, is to break free every thing within me, or I should say all the strength beneath me, and to approach the reality, the things that I have been running away. I shouldnt have given myself so long to run away...

to my guardian angel

2010-06-06T09:03:00.000-07:00

No matter who you are or where you are; my dearest guardian angel, this is my post to you:

I really, really need courage.

Facing my dad, to me, is the scariest thing ever. So many years have passed and yet he remains to be my fatal weakness. I don't know how to talk to him, seriously.

Everytime, when I see him, I will go speechless. Even in times when I need help, I am so desperate to hope for people to help me, nevertheless, I will never approach him unless I really need to.

I hope that when you know about this post, you will help me with this problem. I need to find a way to break the barrier. This has been going on for so long and there has been no improvement.

Joining VE is one route that I chose to build bond and break the ice between my parents and I. However, till now, I still do not have the courage to break the barrier. I really need to break it this time. Please bless me that it will be a smooth sailing one. And I hope that you will guide me in approaching him to help me in terms of my work especially...

School and Work

2010-05-27T20:01:00.000-07:00

This is gonna be some random post that I rant on and on since is Vesak Day today.

Firstly, school is hectic, projects after projects to be submitted. When deadlines are near, we have to even try and do a couple of projects and assignments on the same day so that we can hand in on time.

Yepps, and I failed to hand in my Single Camera Proposal, on time. Single Camera was a 9 am tutorial, oh my tian. I can still remember how many cock ups there were! Engine school cant print, Design school too many people, Library too many people, Mac Lab colour printer cant print colour exactly.. In the end, I reached class at 9.04. That means, 4 marks gone.

Well, I still managed to get a B for it though, MIRACULOUSLY.

Meanwhile, sometimes, I do think, why do I even choose my course? I mean, yea I know myself having a passion for media industry, like hosting, singing, dancing etc. But, after coming to the course, I realise, I'm not one who can really shine that well on stage afterall. Perhaps is cause I'm still not used to it? But I definitely miss the time when I was performing on stage for Guitar Ensemble. The thunderous applause and feeling of satisfaction and motivation has been etched in my memory. Till now, I can still remember exactly how it felt and how great it was. At the very least, I know that I have given myself a chance to try. Maybe I'm suitable or maybe I'm not. Or maybe I'm born to be a backstage helper than to be the one to shine in the limelight? I still don't know. There are sure times that I feel that I would be much happier if I chose the Dip in Business. But, it is already too late for me to change. Oh well, have to persevere for the next couple of years then.. :(((

Next up, work. Work has been pretty enjoyable for me. At least till now, I know that I'm learning a lot, improving leaps and bounds I feel. The feeling there is like, fear but satisfying. Main reason, joining them, makes me face myself. That sounds weird? Hahas, but yea! Somehow, the company seems to be tailored according to my fears and weaknesses and I am trying to face up to these fears and challenges in order to improve myself and move on.

So, everytime when I reach there, I would be quite fearful at first, I'm trying to face what I have been trying to escape for the past how many years..But after that, I would tell myself, "Eileen, if you don't face up to these problems, nothing is solved. It will just be like a vicious cycle."

Then, I would at least "force" myself to breakthrough. Still trying, but I know I will succeed. Because I am trying. Trying = at least 50% succeed, if give up, there is 0% chance of breaking through.

Thus, I'm still learning how to face reality. I MUST BE ABLE TO DO IT! I SHOULDN'T BE SUCH A COWARD TO CONTINUE RUNNING AWAY FROM IT! 18 years of escapism, it's time to wake up!

k9 bbq

2010-05-19T08:26:00.000-07:00

Had my very first outing with the k9-ians. Guess what, it was a BBQ at Pasir Ris Park. Yes in the East! Normally the outings are go are like so far from my house right?

It was a memorable experience cause it somehow felt like a class gathering...Most importantly, the WHOLE bbq, took place IN THE RAIN!! Woots, bbq in the rain! And, the food were nice! Amazing right...

Got to know a few of them more, especially some of my direct colleagues. We even played the Indian Poker, mind you, that felt very much like a drinking game. Fortunately, we were drinking fruit punch instead of alcohol. If not...anything can happen..

Shaln't do too much of the talking, cause have been very tired these few days balancing between school and work. Nevertheless, work was awesomely fun. There is this very strange feeling and impression that I have with the company. Somehow, somewhat...Hope that this will be good for me!

Compilation 1

2010-05-14T09:54:00.000-07:00

Well, it has been some time since I blogged. Have been extremely busy ever since school started. I shall try to type what I have been doing as much as I can remember. However, my English is getting from bad to worse, haven't been finding time to read. I guess that it would be easy to tell in this post, maybe a sea of grammatical errors I guess.

2nd SL outing at Sentosa

Held at Siloso Beach at Sentosa. Again, I went during late afternoon together with Pamela and Joel after my service. Oh, service on that day was interesting, cause it was Parents' Day. They actually combined both Fathers' and Mothers' Day into 1, and I got an umbrella as a gift to my Dad. The cooking team did MASSIVE cooking. They actually cooked for 300 people! It was such a huge proportion that they started preparing since the day before. DELICIOUS! Pity that I only ate very little, cause I rushed to Sentosa after that.

Now, back at Sentosa, I learnt to play Volleyball, not that much Frisbee this time. Nevertheless, volleyball was awesome! I played till my arms were badly bruise, right till now, it is still recovering. Despite the pain and bruise, I really, really liked it a lot. I got to know a handful more of SLs this time too! More friends made again. ^^ The Volleyball craze is another new and pleasant experience for me. And I believe that it would be a memorable one. Looking forward to the next Sentosa outing with the SLs!

Work

Yepps, as many of you know and even received my calls, I'm working now! Maybe that's pretty obvious as my quality in schoolwork is falling below standard. I'm still trying to find a balancing point between school and work. This is so much harder than I thought, but I would not give up! I faithfully believe that I will be able to excel in both.

I got the job offer in an amazing way. So...amazing that I wonder at times if this is something that God sent me. Reason being, I have been looking for part-time jobs for several weeks, hoping to be able to find flexible working hours like tuition, so that I can earn extra income to buy what I want. For instance, braces and DSLR. And guess what, one fine day, when I was busy surfing the net, my up-line called me to ask if I'm interested in a part-time job that she has to offer.

Thus, I went down to the company for the orientation programme, met some of the managers and colleagues there, got to know more about the company. That was how I ended up having the part-time job there. After that, there came my trainings and recruitments.

People there are young and friendly. They really can talk and influence people. Perhaps that's why most of them have this very unique aura of charisma surrounding them. Some of them are so charismatic and influential that they managed to hold my attention throughout their talk.

I even went for their monthly Badge Presentation Ceremony and witnessed even more capable young talents. They sure have great capabilities to get promoted. Also, I got to know my other colleagues in my team too!

After the ceremony was a Power - Up event, as far as I know, the one that I went for, was an extraordinary one. I am honoured to say that my first Badge Presentation Ceremony cum Power Up event was conducted differently coincidentally. For the Power Up event, it was conducted by this amazing speaker. HE IS REALLY A POWERFUL SPEAKER. Honestly speaking, I felt that speaking my Public Speaking Lecture to attend the event was really worthwhile. He made me see for myself how good a speaker was he. And, he was doing Public Speaking! I really learnt a lot on that day, was touched by his speech that he gave.

Before I get carried off with praising the speaker for his persuasive speech, we played some ice-breaking games that he conducted too. Through the games, I get into contact with some of the newcomers, like me, and also some of the managers of the company. However, I must say that I don't really remember their names and faces now already. Oh well, will get to meet them quite often next time :)

School

On the other hand, school has been sucky. (maybe is cause I'm more interested to work) Seriously, I have been underperforming. Super obviously underperforming. That's definitely not a good thing, cause this year, everyone is working extremely hard and they are overtaking me. Meanwhile, I am still slacking in school cause I felt more passionate about work than school for the moment. If I were to asked for the reason, I would say that I feel more comfortable interacting with the people that I work rather than my course.

Sometimes I really wonder if I had chosen the wrong course. Seriously speaking, I don't feel at all happy during my times in the course, and guess what, it is already the second year, and I don't find any value or tints of happiness. (I mean, set aside the As I get - that's bragging. But I mean in terms of friendships made, assignments, modules etc)

Till now, maybe I am grateful for scoring some modules which I had never expected to be. I am thankful for knowing Leroy because he introduced me to Christ and let me felt much better than before cause I am starting to feel more hopeful. Interesting I must say, from one who never believed in Christ and thought that people who does are brainwashed, to someone who actually thinks that I felt that he's around taking care of me. A totally different perception, but it's true!

Jam & Hop

Went for Jam & Hop in school during evening. I almost forgot to record that down. That was the second time I went for Jam & Hop, but first time staying throughout. The ambience was really high and we really 'danced' as we heard the music. The live band was marvelous, they hyped up the environment so much that everyone was high, jumping, swaying, dancing to their songs and the beat. The DJ wasn't that nice in a sense that the songs he played had contrasting tempo. Like, a very fast and catchy song, next an RnB song. So our mood were went very high, the next song low, and then high up again. That was really tedious and hard to enjoy actually.

Despite so, I got to know that the DJ had a motive of playing such contrasting songs. It turned out that it was for our good. He was trying to prevent us from losing control after getting so high. Thus, he tried to lower the tempo down consistently to make sure that we didn't go overboard.

Met many of my friends there, I was enjoying myself with the SLs and I saw some I-guides. Danced with some Freshies from Applied Science, and met people in my course who joined in after helping out for CNN day, which I missed, before the Jam and Hop.

Movie - Ip Man 2

Before going for Jam and Hop, I met Marcus for a movie at Marina Square and I was desperately late for that. I squeezed in too many appointments on that day. Firstly, I tried to make use of pockets of time to do my school work since I am balancing between work and play. However, I miscalculated the time. I tried to buy some necessity, photocopy documents and conduct research before meeting him at 12pm. I must have thought that I was a Superwoman seriously.

End up, I was 40 min late. Luckily he gave me ample allowance time to be late. We managed to make in on time for the movie - Ip Man 2! It was a nice movie. Love the actions and fighting part. Since it focused mainly on the fighting scenes which is what I'm interested in, I stayed awake throughout, watching intently on how they fight.

After the movie, we walked around Marina Square and chill. We shopped, we talked and even went to Suntec to continue our journey. That day was a bit of philosophical. But nevertheless, thanks to that, he made me realised something - if everything were to happen based on what you have known, that doesn't give you any less pain if you know that you are going to fall. However, if you never knew that you were going to fall, you will still feel pain.

In comparison, the pain might not be intense as with the situation that you already predicted or expected to happen. Reason being, your mind won't be reminding you, "You will be in pain. You are in pain, cause you are at your downfall now"

From that, I come to a conclusion that I shaln't be so afraid to try, to plan every step finely that I want every upcoming situation to happen accordingly to what I imagined. I don't want to feel more pain, especially when the more pain is coming from my mind after thinking too much that what would happen or have happened in lieu with my plans. I want to feel less pain, and 1 way is to do things that I have never dared, or never planned to do. Is another breakthrough for me, isn't it?

That's all that I can remember at the moment. More to come, since I am so busy with school and work, which means, blast of activities lying ahead of me!

Mass SL Appreciation

2010-05-05T05:02:00.000-07:00

Had an SL appreciation dinner on Monday. Really awesome. Even though it was a simple dinner cum slacking session. (we just camwhored and joked around after eating)

Somehow, I feel more at ease with them. I got no idea why. The feeling seemed to very different as compared to when I'm studying. It was more friendly and heartwarming. Amazing people I must say. All the different courses, different personalities, all started with school events and after that became so closely bonded.

Even though it was only a short few hours spent together, I believe that the time spent was worth it. Everyone reached home late despite it was a Monday, but still...in my opinion, it was a worthwhile night spent.

Take a break from the hustle and bustle of life

2010-04-30T22:53:00.000-07:00

Had audio production class today, was introduced to the CF Recorder and Audio Pro Tools. It was really fun! Since it is only the first class, I can't be sure if this will be my forte or I am suited to be a DJ. However, I realised that my voice is tremendously low compared to typical girls. It sounded pretty boring and monotone due to the low pitch. Guess I shall up my pitch next time.

Did some sound recording with Monica too! And, it has been such a long time that I haven't been singing that my pitch and key were all off. Horrible voice, but good attempt. Cheers to Monica, she sang quite well. Her voice is pretty influential when she sings, there's this..I don't know what it's called, maybe vibration? That adds in lots of feelings to the songs she sang.

After that, met up with Marcus to chill at City Hall. Poor him, he chose to join me even though he's still sick when he could go home straight after his revision. Really thank him a lot actually. Brought him around Waterfront to see the Merlion, yes he has never been to the waterfront much less see the Merlion there before. Had great talks about art and the Moon too! He's really an interesting guy who has lots of hidden talents. He seems to be one who is trained to have both the rough and gentle skills and is able to balance them out.

Went to the roof terrace, heard a bit of the performance there. But it wasn't really to my liking cause I prefer to listen to live band performances. I mean those typical ones with guitar, keyboard, and drums. Saw a great handful of photographers taking pictures. And actually, I realised that Marcus had great potential in Photography. I chose not to say anything, since he is still at the beginning stage of learning to take photos rather than going straight into Photography. But his keen eyes of details especially colours, and crafting pictures, makes him a natural talent in Photography..Teehee.

Laid on the grass carpet to look at the clouds and stars. Very relaxing, but not at all efficient. It is really a spot for one to stop brooding over whatever troubles he or she has, but totally not for one to sort out his or her thoughts. We talked a lot there. Like what he usually does, and the monstrous training sessions he has underwent and in fact, going to undergo. Those were seriously scary ones. Hardcore training. We even imagined what objects are the clouds taking forms of. There were owl, heart, smiley face, Casper and etc.

Went home really late and as expected, Dad wasn't pleased. Oh well oh well, I believe that I have come to an extent that I am learning how to forgo kinship so that I would no longer be so mindful of their feelings and be stubborn and wilful about my own ways. So many people have been telling me, "Eileen, don't worry so much. You are thinking too much. You gotta think about yourself first, cause when things happen, people will only care for themselves before others."

But if only, I can let go just like how I was in the past. Or maybe, I need to resume back to my icy princess personality before I can be back on track. On the other hand, am I so extreme that in the past, I was so icy. Now, I'm too fiery?

PS: Some of the photos were taken by Marcus. Hehe :D

the ups and downs will lead to new beginnings

2010-04-27T06:43:00.000-07:00

Many said that life is barely smooth-sailing. In my opinion, the term 'smooth-sailing' is very subjective. People who are brought up in protected environment rarely or perhaps never met obstacles in their life. Well, in this post, I do not mean those small kinds like maybe a PMS quarrel with friends or some wilful persistence with parents to go according to what the children want. I mean, those vicissitudes of life, those challenges that are specially put for us for us to learn, grow and gain experience.

For me, I come to realise that I am born in a protected environment. I wasn't allowed to do some things cause is dangerous. My parents don't want me to take on certain path and etc. Thus, I haven't experience much failures before. I do experience, but is all minor ones I guess. How big can my failure get when I compare mine to all the people struggling for survival every day or even every minute out there. They might not even have protection, they might only have themselves to depend on. At least, I have a roof over my head and sufficient food to keep me alive. In fact I have an oversupply of food that I snack far too much than I should eat. Thus, I would say that my life is smooth sailing and I haven't been through much. Boring life I have, I know...

Then, it all seem like a sudden wake up call as I was chatting casually with my friends. I was awaken about life. It was like as if I was escaping from living life for quite a long time, in simple terms escaping reality? And of course, the most crucial person that woke me up will be Marcus. I used to think that he is a crazy extremist. Trust me, he really likes to do extreme stuff that not many normal people have the guts to do. Now that I come to think of it, without these extremes, I won't be able to find out what I really want in life, be it what my goals are and what I neglected.

Almost 18 years of my life seems to be meaningless, or maybe not. I won't say all 18, cause my secondary school is one of my turning point that result in the Eileen that people (I should say more to the Poly people, since most of them only know me after my change in sec school) are seeing today.

I felt that there are so many things out in the world that I have missed out. There were so many opportunities to explore, to spice up my life, but I wasn't able to cherish. There were times I was sent to art classes but I gave up within 2 years. Reason being, I wanted to sleep. What a stupid reason to give. Maybe during that young age, it is normal for kids to protest so that they can sleep. But now, I really regret. It was the only skill that I was able to polish since a young age of 8. I wasn't allowed to have music and ballet classes, but I had art classes as a compromise. Yet, I gave it up. That would be one of my most regretful choices I suppose.

Time would not wait and life will continue to go on, whether one likes it or not. During my secondary school, there were changes in my life, I topped my secondary one class, and was the fifth in the level. Within a year, I fell hard from my glamorous peak. My memories for that period time has started to fade, all I could remember was in that year, even though I excelled in my academics, I wasn't happy at all. Everyday back then, was depressing, I spent countless of night crying myself to sleep.

After that, I met this marvelous teacher who didn't give me up. She was no other than my favourite Chinese teacher, Miss Christina Chin. She was also my Guitar Ensemble teacher. She was the one who gave me many, many opportunities and groomed me to be an all-rounder. Other than making me realise that Chinese was my forte, she made me discovered that I have a gift of gab. Guess what, she really helped me developed my gift! Ever since meeting her, I have been the best candidate for Chinese Oral in my school. In addition, she helped me in participating media-related competition (DV Campus) and that was when I found my passion in performance and media industry. Since then, I became determined to enter the showbiz.

Moreover, she groomed me with great extents and efforts. As she was my Guitar Ensemble teacher, she sorta 'saw' some leadership in me. She sent me for Leadership Training camps and made me the Assistant Treasurer followed by Vice-President of the Guitar Ensemble. Those times in Guitar Ensemble were also one of my most enjoyable moments in Dunman. Seriously speaking, without Ms Chin, I am nothing. ABSOLUTELY NOTHING.

Those were the good old times. All the Up-s of life, joyful, together with much pride and passion. Not long after, I was so drained from the mundane everyday routine. I was so exhausted emotionally that I sink into sadness again. Sadness is a really creepy mode to be in. My heart ached quite often and tears just flowed non-stop. I began to lose my goals in life and turned to wasting even more of my life away. That was a really terrible state to be in.

Now, suddenly, I felt re-lived. After being aware of the tons of things that I missed out, I am inspired again to live life to the fullest. I want to have a taste of anything and everything that I can. No longer want to waste my precious youth away, especially in the state of sorrows, I decided to catch up on all the things that I missed, AND to do all the things that I want to. That is going to be a lot. Although I'm not sure if I can complete everything that I hope to do within such a short frame of time, I want to at least give a try. I am willing to re-believe that anything is impossible as one is willing to try.

Shall remind myself frequently:

Impossible is written as I-M-Possible

Quality time

2010-04-26T06:46:00.001-07:00

It has been a while since I updated my blog, was having fun these few days; or I should say enjoying life to the fullest. This is gonna be a super long post as I combined several days of activities into a post.

Saturday:

Went for service in the morning, was late again (I was on time for the Pastor's preach though). After service, stayed a while to hear the guys playing guitar and talking with the rest of them. The guys were really pro in guitar! I'm so envious. Can totally differentiate our various levels of passion towards music. Although we each learnt guitar for several years, they can play so much better than me! What have I been learning and how much I have been practicing...

Chatted with the girls too:) Followed by buying Cheese Pancake from the stall, Pancake King opposite Church. The cheese was so rich that every bite of the cheese pancake was awesome. No wonder there were so many news articles recommending that stall. Really worth it! After buying pancake, the girls rushed back to church to board the bus to support the participants for bible quiz (held at some other place which I got no idea where). Meanwhile, I make my way to Sentosa for the Mass SLs outing.

Reached Sentosa - Palawan beach - at 4 plus and met Nicholas on the train. Initially, I didn't know his name, only know that we are both going the same way since we are wearing the pink SL t-shirt. Also, I almost didn't want to go in fear of meeting too many people who I don't know cause in the facebook invitation, there wasn't many people I know were going. Thus, I was really afraid that I would be very lonely there.

However, I was absolutely wrong. Not only did I made many friends, I had tons of fun! I managed to try many things. Honestly speaking, just by going to Sentosa is a new experience for me. The last time that I went to Sentosa was like how many donkey years ago?

Over there, we played a bit of volleyball. That hurts my wrist totally and I suffered from blue-blacks all over my right wrists the very next day. In addition, we tried Frisbee too. For a start, we played like just some basic passing around, laughing at each other whenever the Frisbee went off target or someone did some cute reflex actions when catching the Frisbee.

Then, more people came to join us for Frisbee. Eventually, it turned into a friendly match of Ultimate Frisbee! Fun ttm! But, it really test your stamina. The area to run was oh my tian. I spent 95% of the time running and only managed to hold on to the Frisbee for less than 5 min for the total game? Great sports to test endurance and to slim cause of the running most of the time.

It was washing up time after getting ourselves dirtied with sweat and sand. Originally, we wanted to bathe at the Tourism Academy at Sentosa. However, sit was inaccessible. Therefore, we walked further and found empty cubicles and went to shower inside. That place turned out to be a private place which was supposed to be out-of-bounds for us. Ah well, got a scolding from the management people there. Quickly, we finished showering and met up with the rest of the SLs who bathed at other places near the beach.

Bought MacDonalds and ate at the open area at Vivo City for dinner. As usual, we sit there to chill, be it talk cock, camwhore and come out with cranky ideas. Again, poor Joel was chosen to be the victim again. They carried him all the way to the small pool at the open area and put him down, his whole back was totally wet. After that, he took 'revenge' on I think Gerwyn, who got it much worst. Reason being, Gerwyn wasn't wet with pool water nor plain water. He had a mixture of leftover coffee from Starbucks diluted with water and a bit of cream poured. The mixture was poured directly at him! Eww, dirty...Well, many funny things happened actually, too many to be listed in fact. But Joel's and Gerwyn's incident was one of the most unforgettable one for me.

Sunday:

My very first cell outing for my new cell group! Oh wee~

We met up for bowling at Marina Square. And, I seriously think that I am not suited for bowling, more than half of my game ended with with 0. Yes, Z-E-R-O! All went into the drain. Oh my tian, it was embarrassing ttm can...It was not surprise that I had the lowest score but ah well...

My cell was invited for dinner with cell 4 at Shabu Shabu. I supposed it was somewhere near Marina too and thus they thought of combining both the cells. But Shabu Shabu was far too expensive for Uli and I. Hence, as the only girls left after the game, we went SHOPPING!

Shopping with Uli was marvelous. Both of us are so fickle-minded in deciding the things that we wanted to buy. And, we were so engrossed in shopping that we kept on trying whatever that appeals to us. As a result, we couldn't decide what we really wanted to buy. After shortlisting, Uli decided to give up her Zara shirt, while I decided to give up my brown Bohemian bag. But till now, I am still thinking about it. I really, really liked the bag, but I do not have any spare money to buy luxury items now. My expenditure in school is shooting far too high and I still have so many things which I have not achieved.

Nevertheless, there is always a fatal pitfall when it comes to shopping, particularly for girls. For us, is makeup. We went crazy over the make up. Upon drying one of the concealer from the brand Make Up Store (I think it is the name of the brand, cause I cant find other names on the packaging. It seems to be an imitation of Mac products), we instantly lost control and thoughts of our finacial budget. Immediately, we looked for our skin colour and bought the concealer. LOL!

Monday

That's today! Super shagged, due to the long duration of classes. I have class from 9am - 7pm every Monday now. That's crazy, it's only the first day of the week and it is such a draining schedule. I was dozing off during my Public Speaking lecture. Luckily, I was sitting at the corner. Keith and Leroy fell asleep. I think the lecturer saw us sleeping, just that she didn't bother to wake us up.

Met up with my Sentia group mates for dinner! It was quite...funny? We were supposed to meet at 6 but most of us only started to gather at 7, cause most of us had lectures till 7 today. Dom came to drop by and say hi to us. After that, as we were chit-chatting and decided to make our way for dinner opposite school, he walked us to the bus stop and bid us goodbye cause he was too tired from SIP.

The remaining handful of us went opposite school to eat. We all ordered Astons and caught up with each other, more ice breaking within us. I think it is more for ice breaking for me, cause most of them are from the Business Course, as in Business Studies Grouping except, for a minority of us. I am of the minority. Still, I feel that it was a nice dinner to have, chilling at the Jurong East coffeeshop. It has been so long since I am so contented with a laid back gathering with friends. I seem to understand why people say it is not the quantity but quality, especially time spent together with people you care and want to care.

Overall, I feel that these few days is as if full blast recharging of me emotionally. The feeling is so much more amazing than having ample rest. In the past, I used to think that if I have ample rest, I will be refreshed and able to get on with life . Now, I realised, no matter how much one's physical body is recharged, it serves no purpose unless you feel charged emotionally. Even with a powerful body but weak spirit, there is nothing much one could do. One would only be in the state of sadness and despair, or maybe just lazing around and wasting life away. On the other hand, a recharged spirit gives you drive and determination to drive you in achieving your dreams. You seem to be able to feel the fire of passion burning within you, telling you to go for what you want so that there won't be any regrets.

These few days of quality time spent has indeed recharged my spiritual body so much more than the long holidays spent. I am really shocked with myself about the things that I thought through these few days as compared to the meaningless long semester holidays. Well, it's time to be back on track. Here I come, re-inspired to live life to the fullest as I can.

First day

2010-04-19T07:45:00.000-07:00

School has started! And I am officially in Year 2. No longer a freshmen, but a Junior. This year, I got my first choice of elective - Broadcast Performance - as a result, I chose to give up Chinese Newswriting which seems pretty easy at first glance...Aw :(

Anyways, Broadcast Performance was pretty fun. We did quite a few exercises on diaphragmatic breathing. I realised I need to work extra hard for it cause I seriously lag behind. Lots of homework to be done!

After that was Basic Media Research (BMR) lecture. Total boredom. It is another super theoretical subject, just like Media and Society. Oh my goodness. Just sitting in the lecture for 2 hours felt like don't know how many days...

Again, in CMM, a project-based course in Business School, has MANY MANY GROUP PROJECTS. Whenever this happens, all the class politics will show. There is no exception for 2C01. Well, there were tons of complications arising in terms of dividing ourselves into groups. Shall not mention the long story, cause lots of people are involved. The conflict is still in the midst of solving. Shall pray hard that everything turns out for its best. Things gotta turn out fine before everyone can get on working with our projects eventually right?

Well, really hope for miracles to happen. Please happen...

Games Night

2010-04-17T09:32:00.000-07:00

Sneaked off to church for Games Night. (I guess many of you have known by now that I am ALWAYS going to church discreetly against my parents objection)

For Games Night, we played many of our Primary School games. There were hopscotch, Marco Polo, Pick Up Sticks, Eraser Fight, and this other game that 2 people have to pass the 'ball' to each other using 2 strings.

Starting of the game was Marco Polo. Thankfully I was never the Marco, I hate to be blindfolded to the core. I played pretty hard, kept dodging the Marco. Many people were screaming as the Marco was coming in our direction. Meanwhile, I learnt something about myself again. It was exactly like what the guest said in "我爱黑涩棒棒堂" (a Taiwanese variety show) when discussing about Horoscope. Libra-ians are typically "知死不知走", literally meaning we know that danger or even death is approaching us, and yet we won't move or escape. There were a handful of times when I was standing so near to the catcher that I was about to get caught and yet I stood there, not moving much away from him. Fortunately, no one decided to sacrifice me to the catcher. If not I would have been caught for quite a number of times. Just that no one wanted to push me to the catcher and hence I wasn't caught.

After that, we played eraser fight at the other classroom. Initially, I suck at that. I rarely was able to flip my eraser nicely on my opponents. However, I got better and better and I managed to eliminate a small number of my opponents. Leonard was super good at it! He was winning several times at a go. We even played with Pastor Ben and Pastor Ben was a pretty fast learner too!

Next, I joined Bernice, Mandy, Michael they all at the game of Concentration and R-O-C-K. I even brought in the TP culture of Concentration game. A more...'hiong' version. Or maybe I would say higher stake version. And yea, I realised that it can be quite rude cause we will go "___stupid, ___stupid, this is a game of ____stupid." at the person who lost. I wonder if it sounds offensive to them after suggesting that.

For the Finale, we played Pepsi Cola. Yes, the one whereby you aim for your opponents legs, particularly knee and below. At the start, I didn't want to play cause I felt that watching would be a better choice, more entertaining. However, there was a team which lacked a player and thus I joined in.

Zhen Ming was really pro. He managed to kill many all by himself. He was always the last few survivor of his team to be left fighting to win. As for me, my first move shocked everyone cause I killed Shane at the very start of the game when I can kill. That really put me in the limelight I supposed, as everyone was clapping and cheering for me when I killed Shane.

Complacent sure leads to one's downfall. For the final round, I was the first one to get killed instead! I don't know the name of the guy who killed me. But in short I actually gave him the chance openly to eliminate me. Reason being, I completely forgot that he was standing behind me. Thus, I did not defend against him at all since all the while I was concentrating on the people in front of my vision that I forgot that there were opponents behind me.

In the end, the finals of Pepsi Cola was only left with Zhen Ming, Mark and Davin. While, Mark won in the end, it was a bit of 'putting water' to Mark. Cause Mark played a bit unfair, he usually attacks when people are talking. So it was like secret attacks? Or was it called backstab? But oh well, it was only a game...

It was getting late and I had to rush back home to prevent the arousing of suspicions of my parents. Even so, I still chose to pamper myself with MacDonalds - McWings meal for dinner and supper. Yea, I haven't had dinner for the day until I bought MacDonalds as takeaway. McWings is seriously my all time favourite meal. I am addicted to it after having it for the first time. Simply delicious! Awesome!

business 2k10

2010-04-16T09:20:00.000-07:00

Our CMM flag...

At the Olympiad...

Business Champion Flag!

From left: Zaxe, Jane and Me

The Business Champion Flag...

Alright, another new experience - being a synergy leader for my beloved course, particularly class 1C03.

This Freshmen Orientation sure ain't easy to run. Being a good facilitator (in this case Synergy Leader aka SL) is not as easy as it seems. Totally fits the cliche saying " Sometimes, when you see others do, the task seems simple. Until you start to do it yourself, you realised how difficult it was". Perhaps is the nature of CMM - quiet especially during school events. Apparently, this batch of Freshmen are unusually quiet during the Orientation.

Shall start on my awesome class 1C03. Btw, I met some of my juniors back in Dunman Secondary School. They are: Alexandra, Iris and Titus. Hmm, I've only seen Alexandra before, cause she came for some guitar practices back in Dunman. Meanwhile for Titus and Iris, I have never met them back in school before. Even though the cheering by the class were soft, I am glad that they made an effort to cheer at the very least. Some Freshmen couldn't even be bothered to cheer at all. They are considered the guai guai kinds (hope that they will remain like that as time passes, cause CMM can be pretty havoc at times) and I really appreciate their efforts, friendliness and their respect for me. At the very least, they made an effort to inform me that they need to leave early or couldn't make it. However, 1 thing that I hope that they will pick up along their Poly life is to project their voice. They are so soft-spoken. And they are in CMM, where communications is the main part of what we do and thus we die die must be able to speak up, loud and clear. Please speak up more 03!!

Generally, for day 1, like other previous Business School Orientation, we had talk at TCC, followed by meals and games. We played some ice-breaking games, Battle of the Sexes. In addition, we learnt the TP Mass Dance and the cheerleading dance that was to be performed for this year's Regartta. Not only that, we even went to the Sports Complex to form the number '20' in memorial of TP's 20th anniversary. The freshies get to meet their Care Person too! Guess what, the careperson for my class was Mr Ignatius Teo, is going to take me for my Semester 2.1 module, Basics of Entrepreneurship!

For day 2, freshies get some time to interact with their Care Person, get their timetable, matriculation card and student handbook. After that there was refreshments and briefing by their respective Course Manager. After lunch, it was the start of Inter-School games, which is Olympiad and Regartta. It was really tough for us as SLs. The freshies are totally not hyped up! TOTALLY!! We cheered till our voices went hoarse and they actually had no response! Wth..Luckily, in Olympiad, Business School was leading by a margin of 10 points.

As for the Regartta, oh my. It was freaking, freaking stressful for us, as Leaders. All of us thought that Engineering School was going to be the overall champion for this year. Seriously, all of us. The freshies were simply...I don't know what to say. I got no idea if I should even call them spoilt brats a not. On the other hand, Engine school freshies were so enthusiastic, we can even hear them so clearly on our side and mind you, we were sitting at extreme end with each other. Yet, we can hear them cheer. How loud and how enthu must their freshies and leaders be to have such a volume. No matter how much we tried to get our Freshies to cheer, our efforts were all in vain, less than half were cheering in fact. And, they kept complaining about small things like toads once jumped on a particularly grass patch and stuff. I felt like slapping them on the spot.

Well, we lost our 5 consecutive Championship for Regartta (only this component) cause this time, Engine school have really professional dragonboat-ers. They have both the National and School team to take part! However, we managed to maintain our 6th consecutive championship as the OVERALL SCHOOL CHAMPION. I must say, this championship came really by luck. We were not very active during the Regartta cause the only thing we could see was the dragonboat race and nothing else. We can't even hear what the emcees are talking at our side cause we are at the most extreme side. Boring and tiring. And cause of the location allocated, our morale was even lower. Can you imagine, how 'loudly' the Freshies were cheering when our morale was high? It was even 'louder' at the reservoir. There were barely noise coming from Freshies at my side. Furthermore, this year, Engine school had put in tons of efforts. Really a lot, more than what we imagined. They had loud cheers, professional dragonboat-ers, props to create noise as they cheer etc ( er, their props were mainly those thingy that one blow air into it to make it firm and knock it against each other to create noise. I think it is something that can be found in the goody bag for our National Day Parade yearly) Thus, I would definitely say that our overall championship won was by luck.

Our long cheer...

Business, who make you high?

Business, business we so zai,

We so zai we make you high,

Si bei si bei si bei high

High until we make you cry

How we gonna make you cry

5,6,7,8

We will, we will squash you like a hum ji beng

Never let you rise again

Business school ar business school,

Own ar own ar own 6 times

Business school ar business school,

Win ar win ar win 6 times

Hey, hey business

What's up

Can you do this? Can you do this?

Ba ba la ba ba la ba hey!

Om ji ji om ji, om ji ji om ji

Go back jump, Go jump go

Business, business here we go

Look see, look see

All you people look at...

Business!

Oh oh oh business! Oh oh oh business!

Ohhhhhh......

We are from business we don't fall,

We are from business we can roar,

So you people better crawl,

We will make you lose somemore,

6 times 6 times more more more,

We will always win you all,

Fight lai fight qu zuo shen mo,

Bu yong fight dou ying liao lol

For what, what for?

For......BUSINESS!!!

Business, 2k10, always on the go ar woo!

Wowsome

2010-04-11T10:06:00.000-07:00

Shall condense 3 days of activities into 1 post- cause these 3 days I have been at Youth Alive (an annual youth evangelistic event for Jurong SDA). For this year, the main theme of the event is known as Wowsome God.

Before I break down into the 3 days, I shall say my general thoughts and feelings before I forget.

Firstly, this is the second time I attend this event. I was brought in cause of this event. Really big thanks to Leroy who brought me in. I really have many new experiences and joy after joining you guys. Also, I feel that thanks to you guys, I think I am getting to know myself better. However, for this year, instead of being a guest, I am the photographer! It is another first time for me, taking photos out of assignments.

Day 1 - Friday.

It is the very first day of the event and I get to use the 5k camera that the Pastor borrowed. Awesome camera, superb built-in. 18-200mm zoom lens, 2 shutter buttons to take potrait and landscape shots respectively, in-built flash. OMG. Really cool! But super heavy. I was very stressed up while holding the camera. Not only I felt restricted by by the weight, I was very stressed up while holding such an expensive camera.

Thus, for the first night, I took considerably few photos as an event photographer. And yea, they kinda suck.

The programme for the first night seemed to be customized for me! Pastor Ben talked about astronomical grace. Wow, a night of outer space, be it galaxies, speed of light or atoms. The content totally reminds me of the day when I was out with Marcus at East Coast. Both of them said similar contents. It was really a night of enjoyment. Wowsome!

Day 2 - Saturday

This night was even more, amazing. I met Shaun from I-guides! Is so unbelievable. I met someone I know! It turns out that he is Cheryl's cousin. So coincidental right? There's also a skid acted out by Kenneth and I think Mark or Shane. I exchanged camera with Leroy cause the Nikon 5k camera was so heavy that I woke up today with both my arms aching. Salute Leroy for able to handle such a heavy camera. Fortunately, the photos were so much better.

The debriefing took quite long this night. A handful of us started to joke around while waiting for it to end and go home together. We started teasing Shaun and making fun of him, calling him horse. LOL right. And we wanted to walk to the MRT station together. I ended up accompanying Kenneth together with Shaun cause he had $182 worth of 1-dollar coins to deposit. When he was depositing, we can hear the loud noises of the coins falling into the thingy that counts the number of coins there is. There is even a charge per coin! I can't remember if is was $0.02 or $0.75...

Day 3 - Sunday

Last day of Youth Alive, very exhausted. Everyone seem to be on a 'low battery' mode. I was very lost today in setting a theme on the photos to take. It was quite quiet, and suddenly I felt that there wasn't much to take. Very lost. But oh well, still took some photos with the help of Joash in the macro shots of food and guidance from Leroy. Totally no confidence in the photos for the last night. Apologies for the lack of professionalism ethics, but I really didn't put in my best tonight. It was like taking for the sake of taking and spamming the photos in Joash's camera.

These 3 days of Youth Alive really made me think a lot. I won't include them in this post before I turn this into another thousand words boring essay. But in short, I think that there are some decisions to be made. I can't run away any longer. It's not gonna be any good at this rate. But making decisions really ain't my thing. As a Libra-ian, I am so used to be in the balance that I usually refuse myself to be thrown off my comfort zone.

In addition, I realised that I have psychological barrier when it comes to photography. Like very, very obvious, especially after comparing my photos with Leroy's. Maybe that's the greatest difference between an extrovert and introvert? Or maybe that's my personality? Or there is a hidden fear in which even me myself aren't clear about? But in a nutshell, I think that it is quite a great psychological barrier and it is greatly affecting in the quality of pictures I am taking. After viewing the photos I took, I realised I really, really suck at Photography. I kinda realised that. Seeing the photos that I take, I only have a comment for them which is "the pictures suck" and of course, the main reason is me - there is no way a sucky photographer can take good pictures. Apologies to Youth Alive for using me as your photogrpaher. Really sorry, that I didn't do a good job in shooting. No wonder I couldn't score in Photography in CMM. Got a damn C+ for it. But look on the bright side, I cleared the module afterall. Maybe that's a hint that I shouldn't do Photography afterall...

time to move on

2010-04-06T22:01:00.000-07:00

Have been slacking at home for the past few days. Occasionally, I would go out for dinner and mini shopping on my own. Thus, have been thinking a lot for this period of time.

I have the urge to commit to something new, like picking up a new interest or something like that. I got no idea why. This voice in my mind keep telling me that I shouldn't waste my life away, and I need to do something meaningful and beneficial. Or maybe even to add colours to my boring life. Well, Marcus told me that is cause I have been feeling empty inside, which I can't exactly tell for myself.

But, think again, school is starting, and that means tons of things to do, especially they said that year 2 will be our busiest time in CMM. Other than school, I still have to manage between church and family. It is hard to compromise these 2. Is like, I am not at all confident that I will be able to balance these well once my school starts. Church and family seem to be like fire and water, I sorta know that it is impossible to have both and yet I want both, refusing to give either up.

Several ideas came to my mind too. Some of them include, looking for a job to get extra income. Even so, the job must allow me to do it discreetly so that my parents won't find out since they strongly object to me working and studying at the same time. I was tempted about photography and was considering to buy a DSLR. However, an afterthought never fail to come immediately - I cant exactly hold a DSLR due to my shaky hands, which means I won't be able to take good photos. Moreover, if I were to buy a DSLR, I might as well invest the money on my braces first which is so much more practical.

Besides, I feel like taking up extra classes, maybe drawing, singing, dancing etc. However, I don't think that I have enough money to allow myself to learn constantly. My bank account is almost dried by now, and I money is flowing out instead of rolling in. Guess, my topmost priority is to get myself additional incomes. No money, no talk.

All of a sudden, I feel like I need to try a lot of things. I feel so, turtle sometimes.. There are so many things out there to be attempted but I never tried them. But is thinking of having so many commitments a good thing? Or would I be drained totally after some time due to the hectic schedules? Even so, I believe that one thing is for sure - I no longer want to waste my time away. I want to explore as much as I can, I WANT TO LIVE LIFE!

everlasting 293 gang~

2010-04-04T23:40:00.000-07:00

Finally, I get to meet up with my secondary school clique, aka the 293 group. Reason being, we used to take bus 293 home together during our secondary school times.

Some of them went to watch movie before that, but I only joined them for dinner cause I was out in town before that. Come to think of it, I totally forgot to take pictures while in town, was too engrossed shopping...

We had dinner at Pasta Mania. Some had pastas while the others ate baked rice. Caught up with each other and shared some jokes..Gees, really really lame jokes.

After dinner was dessert at Frolick. Thanks Ann Gie for the free yoghurt cause of the vouchers and Ivan topping up the $2! ^^The strawberry topping was really sour btw, having it with the Passionfruit yoghurt was really...I don't know what to say, cause both are sour. So is like sour + sour = extremely sour? Took some pictures there and after that those JC people went home cause they have school the next day. Thus, Ann Gie and I continued to walk around cause it was still early.

We walked around Tamp 1 and Tampines Mall as we talked. Accompanied her to buy sweets to soothe her throat. Then, we went to KFC due to my sudden craving for popcorn chicken. After that, we walked home and we still continued to talk about our school life. Man, so much things have happened recently. Not to say the whole 2 semesters, just like a few weeks? Or maybe the later half of the semester, there's already so much about it.

Anyways, really thankful for the 293 group. I am really honoured to have you guys as my friends. Is like we have really stood by each other since our secondary school times and till now we are still together. You guys are really, really awesome!! ^^

Once a leader - BSL

2010-03-31T10:13:00.000-07:00

These few days have been extremely tiring. Insomnia is one thing that is seriously irritating, cause it disrupts one's ability to have quality sleep.

No quality sleep --> Didn't rest well --> Grouchy day lying ahead. (and the cycle repeats itself)

Participated in the Business Synergy Leader Camp (BSL) that is specially organised for the various SLs to know each other more and bond us together. It was a 3-day-2-night camp that was held in school. Though it is 3d2n, it seemed pretty short but felt quite long. I was already exhausted when it was only halfway through the camp.

In the camp, I was allocated to a group known as Sentia - the combination of a French word 'Sentir' (which means to feel) and our Facilitator's name 'Sylvia'. I made another group of friends from the different Business courses and yea, we cheered, we joked, we played etc :)

For the first night, we had dirty games! Freaking dirty, but the dirtier the more awesome. BUT, it was...quite disgusting and...creative. Can you imagine, rolling over a mixture of soy sauce, water and even flour. Some stations even had cheese. It was like the just poured soy sauce on us as if it was water. We also had chalk/charcoal on our faces too! Super dirty!!!

Breakfast for the second day, was creative. We were given a budget of $20 to go out of school to buy food to cook in food. Guess what, we bought like Maggie Mee, sausages, crab sticks, eggs, bread and nutella!! Similar to outdoor cooking, we cooked them in mass tins, but this time, we managed to get all the food deliciously cooked. =D Then, Jason and Darren ate as if they were eating steamboat, while waiting for the water to boil again for them to cook the last few packs of noodles, they added seasoning to the water, and started cooking the crabsticks and sausages inside. So, it was like eating chicken steamboat.

Second night, Nightwalk!!! My first attempt! It was really scary at the first and sixth level. Complicated feelings I had then, nervousness, excited, fear at some stations. And I realised, many of them liked to grab my stinky shoes. Is like hello, my shoes had all the soy sauce and flour from the first night? There was also this guy who scared me from the back and that really freaked me, cause he hit me on my back and screamed at my ear. Ouch!! During the night walk, I couldn't differentiate which level and which stations I completed, I kept seeing the same station masters again and again. Then, something happened at 1 of the stations, which I can't really remember what was it, and I ended up laughing for quite some time. Thus, I was like laughing and running to the next station.

Third day was the Final Clash that takes place in the form of Wet Games. It was really, really wet. Not only there was water, there were Shampoo given to 'wash our hair' and flour mixture (i think it was flour and water) as our 'facial wash'. Totally drenched from head to toe when we went back to the LT..Cold.....

After break camp, we went over to Tampines Interchange, bought Carls Junior for dinner, joined a few others at Long John at Tampines Mall and the remaining SLs at CPF Building. Chilled over there till 12am, chit-chatted and played some games with them. Pretty laid back and relaxing. After which I decided to walk home to have a good night sleep.

S-E-N-T-I-A Sentia, Sentia all the way!

Sentia, tia ar!!!

Chalazia

2010-03-27T00:40:00.001-07:00

I woke up very early today, thinking that I can make it to service at Church. Come to think of it, haven't been attending church frequently since 2010 started...

However, something happened. My upper left eyelid was swollen. Thus, I decided to make a trip down to my family doctor before going Church. To my great...'surprise', the swelling is actually a symptom of chalazia (cyst in the eyelid that is caused by inflammation of a blocked meibomian gland. btw, meibomian glands are the glands in between the base of our eyelashes)

Just waiting for the doctor took me around 2 hours plus? Cause he was very, very late. I only had my consultation way past 1130 because he reached his clinic at 10 plus when his clinic opens at 0830! Thus, by the time I finished my consultation, service was over. I wasn't able to attend church once again.

Well, met my aunt after that. She was having some Chinese classes nearby in the neighbourhood. Together, we went for lunch, bitched about guys. This time, different, the conversations were plainly, our rantings and complains about guys. I find myself getting more and more emotional. I almost fired fatal arrows behind my family's back which included my relatives too. Think again, was I getting more emotional, or was it cause I was sitting in between 2 emotional women.

Perhaps that's the distinct difference between an emotionalist and a rationalist. Emotionalist will never get things done well cause they always let their emotions take control over them and not do anything about it. On the other hand, rationalists ALWAYS put their emotions behind them, solve the problem. And tada! At least something has been done or improved.

My mum was kind enough. She sponsored 2 cups of bubble tea - one for my sis and one for me.

In the end, my mum and I only drank 2 mouthfuls of the Passionfruit Ice Blend. The rest was taken by my sis when I was sleeping.WTF. There was jolly well another cup bought specially for her. It was Strawberry Yoghurt eh! Worst still, I told her 2 times directly in the face that I can't take dairy products cause of Chalazia! Yet, she was like telling me, " Oh, you can take the other cup in the refrigerator which you put in. Caused I finished the Passionfruit."

WTF! My words totally fell on deaf ears! I can't believe this. In the end, I have no more bubble tea to drink. Reason being, was asleep for 1.5 hours after medication.

Not a typical girl

2010-03-24T09:36:00.000-07:00

Hola!

Was out the whole day today! Hahax, what a traveler I am. Headed to East Coast today for cycling again. Not alone! Pretty surprising huh....

The park has lesser people than normal. Probably it is a Wednesday and a school day also. Awesome, grateful that holidays of Poly are always different from the usual schools ( i mean those primary and secondary)

Cycled for a while, watched the planes and the sea. Well, it wasn't as calming today which I got no idea why. Nevertheless, I finally found someone who have similar interests as me! Very, very rare indeed. How many years have I been looking for someone with similar interests but they never appeared.

Meanwhile, another thing to be thankful for - my 'visions' are no longer as clear and as frequent as before. I suppose that this is a good thing. If not weird images will keep on popping up randomly and most of the time they won't happen anyway.

Took a bus to Suntec for dinner (another sudden idea of mine). I find myself getting obsessed with chilling out in the town recently. But the atmosphere at night outside, especially the town is really nice. These are some of my 'extraordinary' interests. I am so not a typical girl, ain't I?

Well, time will never stop for humans. It will just keep going no matter what happens. Time to be back at home!

Family, a push or a pull?

2010-03-23T00:45:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I wonder, is family a motivation or is it an obstruction.

I still remember that during secondary 1, I see myself as having a new start to shake off my primary school times which I so badly wanted to get off from it. I wanted to do something to make my parents proud. Therefore, I worked hard. It was then I tried new studying methods - doing notes, highlighting important stuff (even though I copied homework, but I did study for my exams k) Back then, I was amazed, I topped the class! I was the 5th in the level. The very first I achieved in my 13 years. I never was the first place until then. I thought, it was really my whole new start. Really. Achieved what I wanted, thinking that my parents will be proud of me, thinking they would be happier that they didn't have a good-for-nothing daughter.

So what?

M family is as cold as ice. Nothing really mattered if I was the top in class. Well, I did receive some things like "oh, good for you," and "must work hard to maintain". That's was it.It didn't even sound sincere at all, they don't seemed happy about it. I even felt that it meant nothing to them. They even told me "You are able to top your class cause your class is weak."

How hurtful it was for a 13-year-old kid. Worst still, all the kid's efforts and pride was just, instantly swiped to ground 0 by that short sentence. What I hoped to hear was a little praise or maybe the tiniest smirk on their face that their child did well. But all I got was nothing. As usual, they keep things deep within themselves. The family, doesn't even feel like a family. No matter how hard I tried to reach out to them, I feel rejected and hurt eventually. It is really cold. No one is willing to share our thinkings and our secrets. And, perhaps that is the key to my icy and defensive personality to most people I meet. Cold and icy, where there's no warmth and emotions to talk about at all.

Apparently, I don't get much support from my family when I'm doing things. I do know that they care and worry for me. But, it just doesn't feel the drive. Seeing so many families around me joking around, having fun, giving their utmost support and encouragement make me very, very jealous. I really hope that I can have those too. Those words and acts of support on the children, I believed it will really spurt them to work doubly hard, or even give in the best that they can. Those magical actions and words will act miraculously on us as children. Really. I believed upon hearing these, kids will confirm want to do things well in order to show the good results for their parents, proving to them that they did it.

But after waiting for so many years, I don't want to get myself dejected again. Time and time again, the feeling of waiting for something which never seem to come. The sadness simply repeats itself, like a cycle, just that each time hurts more than the previous cause the scars and pain adds on. Perhaps, my family is just different. We get the freedom to choose what we want, unless is an extreme wrong or maybe things that are illegal, then there's objection raised. Other than that, I'm thankful that I am quite free to do whatever I want.

Right now, I am at least 60% sure that I am immune to not receiving words of encouragement. Or rather, I lowered my hopes to hoping that my family knows about the tiny little things that I'm trying to do. Again, to my disappointment, there's no avail. Maybe, I'm a bit of attention-seeker. I really hope that they'll see me one day and be appreciative of what I'm trying to do to make everyone in the family happy cause to me, none of them are happy being in the family. I tried hard, be it to put on a strong front or make a fool out of myself. In return, I got nothing. Nothing is changed. The only results I get is to find myself totally drained out. Exhaustion, despair was the state I ended up in.

In the end, I will always tell myself, "They can't see the small things I do is cause I couldn't see behind the walls what they had been doing." Although I am totally clueless about the little things they do, be it to for the family, or for themselves, I really hope that they can at least tell me a little about what they exactly want or what they're doing. Maybe like me, they don't like to share their things with other people. Or maybe that's purely hereditary. But at least, give me a brief outline? Just a little bit and I'm contented.

I do admit that I am extremely unwilling to share things with them. Unlike other kids who will run home to tell their parents what happened during their day, their happy and unhappy moments, I don't do that at all. I get extremely irritated if I am to tell everything and anything about what I wanted and what happened. However, if I were to tell them what I'm doing, they might object, despite how much I wanted to get things done. Take my braces issue for example. Since donkey years ago, dentists have been asking me to get my braces done cause my jaws are dislocated. Till now, my dad agreed to LOANED me the money. After 2-3 years have passed, my jaws are still dislocated! What the hell. Is like whatever issue I talked to them, it will end up be an obstacle for me to get it done. My braces, my music life, my aspirations, my interests etc..

Well, is this the price of equivalent exchange where they don't bother me and I shall not poke my nose into their matters?

Are the prices in exchange a too hefty one? Staying in a place where I am trained to keep my emotions deep within me. I am not supposed to express anything or I'll get hurt. But...afterall, they are my family. They are supposed to be my closest kin, yet they feel to be so distant. Shall I just continue to convince myself that my family is different from other people? My family is not a typical family?

Many people said that your family is the best shelter which will always be open for you to seek refuge. They claimed that only families will give you unconditional support and will be always behind you, going through thick and thin blah blah.

How true are those 'golden words', when I feel that my family brings me more grief and happiness. When families hold you back from what you aim and what you like. They be argue that is for our own good, and they will ensure that we stay on the right track. But is pursuing what I liked a crime? I do not aim to do bad things like joining the dark side nor doing illegal stuff. I mainly wanted to have a career and do something I like. I just wanted to achieve the goals I set for myself, to develop my interests which I wasn't given a chance when I was young. It is not wrong, isn't it?

If you are in a family where you feel that you are tied and restricted, will you still feel that your family is a good support to achieving your goals and realising your dreams?

From the East to the West

2010-03-20T09:37:00.000-07:00

Long day today!

Overslept for service today :S I woke up at 10.30am and service starts at approximately 11.30am in Jurong! Oh my tian...I was severely late. Therefore, washed up and rushed straight to church. In the end, I reached like 20 min before the service ended..

After service, went out for lunch with them and watched them practice for Youth Alive for the whole afternoon. The youths really put in lots of efforts in preparation. I really hoped that the event would turn out smoothly and remarkably for them.

At night, we went Jurong Point for dinner, followed Mandy and Uli to buy some cosmetics and went home after that. Pity that I couldn't meet the rest after that cause it was really late since my traveling time home is 1.5 hours. If I joined them I would definitely reached home freaking late. Oh well. But, it is a fruitful day as I managed to spend quality time with them :)

Parting is a sweet sorrow

2010-03-19T09:24:00.000-07:00

Woke up as early as 6am today (Friday)! Wow, it has been so, so long since I had to wake up this early. After washing up, I went straight to the airport to send the group of CMM students who are flying off to Perth.

However, I was still late in a sense that I reached at 7.45am when I was supposed to meet Raquel and Shaun at 7.30am. Participated in their mini conversations and gave goodbye hugs to them.

We watched them enter the transit hall and went to eat Mac breakfast after that. I was so tired that I could feel myself crashing when having my breakfast. And, Shaun doesn't allow me to go home to sleep! He dragged Raquel and I to stay company with him. Oh, I forgot to mention, I got the first 13 episodes of Glee from Raquel too! Awesome, I have something to catch up during the holidays now! :)

We decided to travel to Plaza Singapura to buy some stuff. Hmm, watched the movie "Remember Me" at $6.50 despite that it is a Friday. Well, the show was simply, er, 'artsy'. It looked a bit too chim to be understood. Again, I couldn't understand the show, thus almost fell asleep halfway.

The show was 2 hours long and it was already 4pm when it ended. We headed home straight after the movie to rest for the day...

The beauty of Mother Nature

2010-03-17T06:59:00.000-07:00

When the Sun is setting...

At the beach

Family gathering

Surfing...

Safety first

What others do there during evening

Beautiful sunset

See through the smoke?

Hazy season

Scenic shot

Another fav mode of transport

My beloved transport for the day

One of my fav transportation

Exercising...

Slacking...

Close-up

Back to Singapore!

Up, up and away

Bonjour!

Spent around 12 hours outside today! Man, is really a super long day I must say. This will be a pretty long post I think, filled with chunks of words and tons of pictures.

9am. Met a couple of my friends in school to go for the YOG briefing together. The briefing was funny but chaotic. There were so many volunteers and just queueing for the registration took up an hour! Furthermore, as I had already registered together with my course mates as a big group together, there was actually no need for the registration again! But we queued for an hour just to get a small slip of paper, for us to reply whether or not we are accepting our allocated positions. After getting the small slip of paper, we had to proceed to the various Lecture Theatres for the briefing about YOG. (It felt more like an induction programme on what YOG was about)

To my surprise, I met many friends at the briefing, be it from my secondary school or from I-guides! Thankfully, I didn't give up waiting for the registration. I was so tempted to give up and walk out of the large crowds of people! However, my friends persuaded me not to. Afterall, it is a once in a lifetime experience. It was so heartwarming when I see so many people I know volunteering for YOG.

The briefing ended very early. It ended before noon, when it stated 3pm in the e-mail they sent us. Oh well, went shopping with Raquel and Monica at Orchard instead. We talked about quite a few things as we caught up with each other, went deep into talk about our dream guys and the comparisons of behaviours between a guy and girl when attached. LOL, lots of difference could be discussed, mind you, really extremely different. After buying some stuff, we went to Mos Burger to rest. Had clam chowder for high tea which is delicious. :) Upon energizing myself, I made my way back to meet my family to have dinner together...

Headed off the East Coast during the evening. It has been a long time since I was there. East Coast has always been a good place to rest and relax, be it individual or as a family. Personally, I find that it is a place which bonds many families together, for couples to have their 'romantic' moments and individuals to chill and let out their frustrations.

As always, I rented a bicycle at $6 for 2 hours and went off cycling. Finally, I did some exercise! Saw many groups of families enjoying their time there - BBQ, picnic, enjoying their quality time at the beach etc. Saw many students having BBQ as their class gatherings too! Awesome :)

Overall, it was an enjoyable time spent there, very meaningful in fact. It has been such a long time since I had so much fun. Oh oh, I saw the sunset too! Together with the large crowd, I sat by the breakwaters to enjoy the fascinating moment. Beautiful and memorable. Fortunately, I took several photos of it and shall upload all the photos together with the post ^^

Adventure Day

2010-03-15T09:35:00.000-07:00

Alright, it is a Monday AGAIN. Everyday seemed to pass so boringly as a standard routine. A blink of an eye, the weekend is gone and weekdays are here.

Spent the whole day out again. Fortunately, I was not alone. Guys, no worries. I do not go out alone as often as before. The following shall be how I spent my day as much as I can remember...

1. Lunch at Yoshinoya

2. Watching of Alice in Wonderland (in 3D)

3D movies are pretty cool in terms of graphics. It feels a bit different. There seemed to be 2 layers distinctly between the foreground and the background of the scenes. However, sad that I couldn't see the link in the story. It seemed...very choppy. Like one moment this is happening and another moment, another activity is happening.

3. Walking around CBD

Oh boy, spending a few days rotting at home really deteriorated my memory of my map around Singapore. I couldn't even recognise my way in Cityhall when I was walking around. My sense of directions became much more blunt than I imagined. I suppose this shows that I need to travel around constantly. I need my photo memory back desperately!

4. 'Dinner' at Subway

Got lost while walking in the CBD, but found a few places which I rarely went in the past. We ended up in Chinatown..OMG. But then, took the MRT back to Dhoby to eat and talk.

Oh well, that's the brief outline for the day. Shall get down to my thoughts that came to me. Sorry guys if I'm being egocentric again.

I think that I'm lost. Not just literally today at CBD, but I realised I seemed to lose all of my goals. I can no longer be sure of what I want. All the drive and motivation I had seemed to be gone. Recently, I'm feeling that I'm being drained. Although the holidays is supposed to allow us to charge up and prepare for our next semester, the feeling of losing what I wanted to be seemed awful and scary. Lying on bed at home thinking of what I really want and what I should do to achieve them is bringing me nowhere. Absolutely nowhere.

Also, I have been beating about the same bush about my family. Being long winded again huh. But yea, this is always a matter that has been in my mind for a very, very long time. Pity those close friends who have been hearing my nags about my family, didn't mean to do that. But just that I have a tendency to say out everything I think so as I can picture all the choices and consequences visually in my mind. Shall not go too deep into it here. Or I should say, it should be more practical for me to come up with a solution rather than grumbling and being dissatisfied with things that I should be cherishing at the moment.

In addition, all the thinking is killing my appetite intensively. I find myself eating lesser and lesser when it is the holidays! Initially, I thought I would snack too much and gain weight instead. But apparently, things are going the opposite way of my imagination. I barely eat proper meals now. Snacks and junk food are filling in as main courses rather. Unhealthy. But frankly speaking, I haven't been feeling like eating for the past few days. I still do eat for the sake of eating. Thus, a few mouthfuls of food per meal turns me off easily nowadays.

Oh well, shall start to sit down and think with a clear mind for now since I can. Hope that I can see the light fast enough...

New experiences

2010-03-11T23:16:00.000-08:00

I managed to gain new experiences again! This time, as a trainer for a camp. The very first camp I got to facilitate was a girls' school. Thankfully, their zest was simply amazing. Big group of enthu girls with great stamina I must say.

At the camp, many things happened which I shall not list, cause is really quite a lot. Overall, I learnt how to be a better leader, which I emphasize, A GOOD SERVANT LEADER. I saw the stark contrast between servant leaders and master leaders at the camp. Really interesting and memorable. It was like, a 'live' lesson learnt.

The girls were adorable. Typical girls' school- when they reached, saw the male trainers, saw some hot guys, and they got excited amongst themselves. Cute right? Managed to start some conversations about the guy trainers to build rapport with them. They really played hard when it comes to games! I am so impressed by their super high level of participation.

And, they said that I'm a nice trainer!! Woots! I feel so touched when they told me that! They even told me that they'll miss me cause I'm so nice. I'm really glad that they enjoyed themselves and liked me despite me being an inexperienced trainer and also the many held ups in the camp. On top of their class name and class cheer, they even had prepared a performance for their Talent Time (campfire night). It was a dance and they showed me! Really awesome ^^

Well, I think that's about it for the camp.

Results were released today also. And guess what? My prayers came true. OMG! I can't believe this. Really thank Lord for that. All my grades were much better than I expected. I am really grateful for the good grades, despite I guess it will only be average when compared to the other CMM people. The best part of the grades - I AM FREE FROM SUPPS! Hurray!

As much as I am contented about my grades, I feel guilty about my Calculus. Honestly speaking, the main reason I took Calculus as my CDS, is cause I see this as my last chance to score at least an A for it so as to make my dad happy. I already disappointed him once during the 'O's. I wanted to make it up so badly.

However, never did I expect, history repeated itself. I flung the last paper of the module. It is always the last paper that I screwed up and worst still, the last paper is always the most important paper! During the 'O's was like that, the same applied for my Calculus. Well, I did pass my calculus (miraculously) but it was a B (still below my dad's expectations)

It has been so many years that my dad has been training me to score in my Maths. He always hoped that I will do well in Maths just like him. And, me, once and once again, never gotten an A. Why does Maths hate me so much? I just need an A. I don't care even if is a low A!!! But I have never scored an A in Maths. NEVER! Why is it so hard? Maybe I do get occasional small As in class tests, but I only prayed for an A as the overall grade on my report to make my dad happy and proud of me that he succeeded in coaching his daughter into scoring As for my Maths! But it never came true..Never will it come true again :(

Marathon

2010-03-08T22:48:00.000-08:00

Back!

It has been a few days since I blogged, have been out of home for the past 3 days and enjoyed a long marathon of not sleeping for 3 days. For the 3 days, I won't say that I completely didn't sleep, but it was more of less than 2 hours each day. Thus, this post, I shall keep it as short as possible, cause I'm really, really tired.

6 March - 7 March

Went for t3 camp (Train The Trainers). Apparently, our batch is the most pampered batch cause ours seemed to be the slackest. We had great food (dinner at hawker and prata for supper) I loved the supper, eating at prata shop till 2.30am! Oh wee~Fortunately, there wasn't much drilling in place since I am very, very unfit..

Made a handful of new friends. Group of friendly and nice people I must say. Look forward to knowing you guys more!

Wasn't able to sleep for the night despite feeling tired. Thus I got myself a power nap for half an hour, and small naps here. Closed my eyes for 15 min and I would automatically wake up. But still, better than no sleep at all...

After the camp, went back home for a shower and packed my stuff for the chalet. Again, I was so tired that I dozed off at home. Luckily, wasn't a deep slumber ; managed to wake up after half an hour and off I went to the I-guides chalet!

7 March - 8 March

Reached the chalet and met up with the fellow I-guides. After having a light dinner since I didn't had much appetite, I went K-Box with some of them.

Karaoke was freaking cool! There were only like 7 of us, but we got the big function room! Oh boy, there were even Wii and Pool table!!! All of us were very high inside and we really used the space there. However, we were shifted to a smaller room since the numbers we had was simply too small to use such a big function room.

After K, bought some MacDonald's back to the chalet as supper. We sat down and watched TV, made tons of comments about it. Some of them went to play the drinking game and I went to see how it was played.

After all the talking and watching, it was morning again.

Bought Mac again for breakfast. Then, went to White Sands to buy bubble tea and walked around. After that sat down, watched TV and slacked.

Got ready for the BBQ for the night, chatted around, drank lots of water to hydrate myself. After that left home to catch up on my sleep.

The smaller room in which we were shifted to...

Compare that to this - the function room...

Freaking cool, full-length projector screen!

Call me the Mascara Girl!

2010-03-05T07:31:00.000-08:00

It's the day before my Train the Trainers' Camp. After packing most of my stuff for the camp, I decided to go to Sasa to have my eyebrows trimmed.

The sales assistant told me that in order to have the Eyebrow Triming service, I need to buy at least one of the cosmetic products. Thus, I told the assistant that I'm looking for a Mascara.

Then, the lady helped me try on the Mascara and she got very excited about my eyelashes. Well, I am proud to say about my beautiful long lashes (Hahax, I sound so bhb) But then, yepps, she was so fascinated as she was curling my lashes and putting on the Mascara. She kept on asking me about my lashes too!

"Do your lashes tickle your eyes since they are so long?" she asked.

"Nope, they don't."

"Are you sure?" she asked again.

"Yea, I don't really feel anything about my lashes. Is just that my eyes are quite sensitive and tends to feel dry easily." I answered.

"Serious, but they (my lashes) seemed very ticklish to have!"

After that, she brought me around the store and showed the other sales assistant. Initially, she tested on my right eye, then she so amazed that she showed to other assistants the difference between my eyes. And the other staff in the store became very excited as well. They gathered around me and looked intently at my eyes. They went "Wow" *hehes*

She put on Mascara on my other eye as well. And, I was showed to other stores assistants again. LOL. This time, they claimed that my eyes are very beautiful and looked like barbie dolls' eyes.

Eventually, I got myself a black-coloured Mascara and have my eyebrows trimmed. =D

I am a typical narcissist, ain't I?

Superb happy about 'the small commotion' at the store. But that's not the end of my day..

Coincidentally, I met Yi Huei at Tampines 1! Therefore, I accompanied her to shop for while before going home.

Next, went back home but joined my Mom for dinner at the MacDonalds opposite school. I wonder if I'm being oversensitive, I have been having a bad feeling about my family. I can't really describe the feeling or what's the reason that caused it. However, it is not a good feeling to have, so uncomfortable, so breathtaking.

Finally, reached home at around 10 plus. Did a final check on the things to bring for the Trainers' Camp. Honestly speaking, I am very, very nervous about it. Cause, I am going alone. Hope I can meet Kellyann or someone whom I know. Being alone in camp is seriously, scary. Plain scary. Also, hope that the camp will be an enjoyable one. Guess I gonna really pray hard for that. Last but not least, I sincerely hope that it will be something like I-guides, where I get to make another bunch of lively friends. Hope, hope, hope...

See the Light

2010-03-02T21:19:00.000-08:00

Slept at 4am during the previous night thanks to insomnia again. It was so uncomfortable when I woke up, despite that I slept for approximately 9 hours.

Well, have been having weird dreams recently. Wonder if is happening because I've been thinking too much subconsciously or what. Seriously, weird. Like how I dreamt myself in a typical classroom having tests, doing some pretty weird stuff elsewhere, even running for my life in situations of gunshots. Then, I keep having this repetitive dreams about this guy, whom I can never see the face. I felt like we are couples doing all the romantic stuff, but again, I never get to see his face...

That's all on the some parts of my dreams which I remembered having. Shall bring myself back to the remarkable time I woke up.

Very much like those movies, whereby the wizards and witches snapped their fingers and something happened. Opened my eyes and there it is! I finally thought through something!

Everyone can choose the positive or negative side. No matter how negative the situation is, stay happy, stay positive. That will be a new drive to change whatever one is trying to change. If there is no actions done, there can never be a change. For the very least, this new gush of positive energy is so much better than staying negative. Staying negative is very destructive I must say. Can imagine - keep on complaining on the same stuff, unhappy with anyone and everyone. Worst still, the moaning gets them nowhere new but at the same spot where things will just keep repeating itself, getting the person more and more depressed, more and more dissatisfied with the world...

We shall and must get over the bad things and start to work on the good ones. Perhaps, with the new motivation and enthusiasm, new possibilities might occur. No one can tell what's going to happen, and thus the cliche saying "You never know." If the outcomes are good, it means one has succeeded. In fact, it may be start a new story continuing from the success, such as reaching an even higher level of gameplay. But if it is bad, yea, it kinda sucks I guess. Still, it is an experience, a lesson learnt.

Whether it may be good or bad, at least I could tell myself, " I tried."

PS: I know what I just typed sounded very much like a speech. But the idea of these coming to my mind when I woke up, I still find it incredible. It was just so sudden and random.

But before I end off the post, tons of thanks to Marcus.

He gave me this idea and has been listening to me so much for the past few days when I kept beating about the same bush. Nevertheless, thanks for being there! You were a really a great advisor:)

Coincidences?

2010-03-01T07:42:00.000-08:00

This post, I know, many people out there would not like to read it, cause, is about...Christianity, cause you guys seemed to be very against it when talking about it. But then, I must say I am seriously amazed. I'll try to keep this post short and sweet then.

I can no longer tell if things are happening due to coincidences or He really existed. Well, the Bible states that He does, and stories proved that too. But I will always wonder that was so, so long ago, who exactly have seen him and how were they sure that things happened that way based on the evidences people found.

However, it is simply creepy. Many of my greedy requests are being answered gradually. It just felt so amazing that it actually happened hours after I prayed for it. I was like OMG, it actually happened?! Yea, it is simply so, unbelievable...

Much as I wanted to convince myself with logic that is just my own thinking that is making me think of such stuff, honestly speaking, I am really starting to belief...

Chingay in Tampines

2010-02-27T06:18:00.000-08:00

Here's the post on the Chingay I attended with my mum for the night. Extremely photo intensive. There was a lot of people, literally seas of crowd. The event was hosted by a DJ, Yang Zhi Wei. He's so cool! He is effectively bilingual, and his voice is so nice to listen to! Gentle but lively, not a bit of boredom can be found ^^ Amazing.

Took quite a number of pictures and further proves that my photography skills suck. But I decided to post them here still cause I prefer pictures so much more to words.

After the Chingay, I went to Tampines Interchange alone to shop. Well, on the surface I would say, to shopped. But to be more precise, I just did not want to go home. I wanted some time and space for myself.

Thought for a while as I walked, again, more complexities arouse and not a single solution came to me. But, I spent approximately 30 bucks on make up. Oh my tian, I must be feeling seriously down..That's coming to half my allowance for next week! And I got a whole line of programmes to attend with the remaining 30 bucks T_T Holy crap!

Angry, angry, angry

2010-02-27T05:29:00.000-08:00

Sorry guys, this post will be more of me being egocentric, I have so much to complain for the day...

Today was supposedly Family Day. Mum wanted the whole family to be out for dinner to have "yu sheng" cause we missed the 7th day of the Chinese New Year. Reason being, no one was at home to "lao yu sheng". Hence, we delayed it for a week and decided to eat at the coffee shop outside my house. In addition, Chingay was brought to Tampines! So we could take the opportunity to watch all the majestic vehicles, and fabulous performances that were specially organised by the Town Council. (I think)

The whole plan sounded nice, doesn't it?

It was meant to be a great family dinner, and I didn't expect my mom to take initiative in raising up such a suggestion. Don't ask me why I'm so taken aback by my mom's suggestion, I'm just simply, astonished. Or maybe I would use the word surprised...

However, my dad and sis weren't cooperative at all. ABSOLUTELY NOT AT ALL. I got no idea what got into them. My sis always make herself purposely late no matter what timing we told her. She just wants to be late and is not those 15 min grace we have in TP, but is terribly late - at least half an hour late. Mind you, at least half and hour...

Take today for an example, my mum and I purposely emphasised to leave at 5.30pm. And you know what, at 5.30pm, she was still surfing her laptop in her pyjamas! Yes, her pyjamas! Then, only at 5.40pm, she started making her way to the toilet to brush her teeth and get herself changed. And, the whole family had to wait for her! WTF, who is she to make us wait? To wait so long somemore!

That's not all! During the dinner, she was even more attitude! It was only 10min after the dinner, she stopped eating and give the whole family the black face. Seriously, what the?! Again, she's just a nobody! I mean, can she for jolly well let the whole family have a nice dinner since we are only together for like 5 times a year??!! We definitely do not deserve to be treated like that! She's simply spoilt by my dad! The reason she chose not to continue eating was even more ridiculous - the dishes were not to her liking.

I am even more pissed off with that reason. Hello, we ordered those dishes together and everyone agreed to it. And then, when the waitress double confirmed with us, I already heard some changes made here and there. As in, we made some special requests to our dishes. So, the waitress kept on double-confirming with us to get our orders right. YET, they blamed the waitress for giving us all the wrong food!

Oh my, poor restaurant. They were totally being maligned. It was our fault but they were blamed. What nonsense is this? Worst still, my family still thought that we were right and the fault lies with the waitress who got our orders wrongly. WTF? Weren't they even listening? They were the ones who told the waitress they want this and that and they agreed with the changes made. End up, they blamed the waitress. My sis particularly, she got the veggies' name wrongly and obviously the dishes served weren't what she expected. It was like duh. How would the chefs know what kind of veg she wanted when she ordered the wrong type from the start. In the end, even more absurd, I finished the whole plate of veg BY MYSELF! She didn't touch the veg at all after a few mouthfuls.

Come on, how often is my mum able to treat the family given her financial ability. Thanks to my dad who always thinks that my mum is spending more than what she is supposed to (or perhaps he couldn't afford to give my mum more money), my mum has been filling in the financial gaps on groceries with her savings. She is just a typical housewife with no income! Her savings would be dried up soon if this continues to happen. Not only does my dad unappreciative of the meals my mum cooks, he blames her cooking when dishes are not to his liking (meaning there's no meat. Or the meat dishes he doesn't like. He's pretty much a carnivore) How is my mum able to cook all the expensive dishes when there is barely enough money for groceries? Inflation has been happening in Singapore and living cost in Singapore is no longer as cheap as before...

So, as a result, everyone was unhappy with the dinner..EPIC. I think the saddest was my mum. She was so looking forward to the dinner! But what she got back from the family is this kind of response. She tried to hide it during the dinner, but after that, when I was with her alone walking around the shophouses, she was really down. Depressed was written all over her face. Boy, I was at lost on what I should do to cheer her up. Hanged around with her till the "Chingay parade started" (which I will talk about in the next post) before leaving for the Interchange... :(

百思却无一解

2010-02-26T10:25:00.000-08:00

霹雳 MIT 里的天魔星曾经对 747 说： “ 抓到100支飞机，许下的愿望一定会实现。”

虽然听起来就好像是骗小孩的话，但是我还是不由自主地相信了。

看到飞机不停的起飞，将落，心里往往会又一种期盼。期盼飞机能把我的不愉快带到一个伤害不了我的地方；把我的希望带到天上，好让天使能帮我实现。好傻，好天真吧。。。

此是此刻的我，心情十分复杂，十分矛盾。原来表面上坚强的外表，内心是多么的脆弱。

我有好多好多话想说，却又说不出口。我有好多好多事想做，却连最基本的勇气都拿不出来。

可笑吧，都快18 岁了，就连一个小孩都不如。最起码，天真无邪的小朋友敢爱敢很。想什么就说什么。说句老实话，我真的很羡慕他们；相比之下，我是多么懦弱。

到底应该怎么做，才能让自己做出明确的选择？应该怎么做才能让身边的人快乐？当不能选择重新来过时，有能做些什么？甚至我自己究竟想要的时什么？到底是什么原因让我有这么多疑问？

只知道心里好难受，身边的人也不快乐，自己却一点忙都帮不上。好无力，好难过喔。。。

百思无解的心情真的很不好受。只能感觉自己陷入很彷徨，失措的状态，还真是复杂难解决。

如果抓了 100 支飞机愿望就会成真，我希望我能想出办法 ; 让我知道我应该怎么做，让我解除我心里所有的疑惑。

Chop chilli chop

2010-02-25T07:39:00.001-08:00

Spent more than half the day watching dramas, mainly Hi My Sweetheart (Taiwanese idol drama featuring Show Luo and Rainie Yang) and You're Hired (Cantonese drama featuring Wang Zi Hua and She Shi Man) both are funny shows. But somehow, they seemed to give me some food for thought while watching. Perhaps that's a reason why I am so easily addicted to watching dramas, my imagination can be simply wild when I watched them.

Then, went out to walk around the neighbourhood. I realised, I have lost the ability to think when I'm alone outside. I totally had no idea why. When I am outside, alone, I always thought that it is the best way for me to chill and think about things myself. Somehow, I can't do that recently. My mind will be blank. Yes, completely blank.

For supper, mum bought home Chilli Crab. Hurray! My sis and I took our time to enjoy it in front of the TV. Well, the crab was nice and meaty enough, but I didn't quite like the chilli sauce. It reminds me of the chilli used for Laksa and it was very oily. The top layer was covered with chilli oil...Nevertheless, it was spicy enough, shiok ar!

To be or not to be?

2010-02-24T21:25:00.000-08:00

Alright, here comes my favourite quote for the past coming years, till now it still is.

"To be, or not to be ; That's a question"

This famous quote from William Shakespeare has been etched in my memory ever since the first time I heard about it, particularly from a Taiwanese Drama, KO One. Ever since then, I got no idea why, I felt very strongly in this quote.

Indeed, one can choose what he or she wants to or not want to. It all seems to lie in a black and white area? I must say that not all are black and white - there might be situations where both choices are both bad or perhaps the two choices are good ones? Generally, as a Libra-ian who has strong sense of balance in my personality, I usually classify them as black and white. Fair and just. Even so, things aren't always as simple as they seem. Maybe because there is always a fine line in between choices, in my words, I will call them the 'grey area'. They are always neither here nor there. It's like no matter if you choose or not choose, it will still have sacrifices, or it will just feel wrong...

Well, after ranting so much, these are just sudden thoughts that came to me and I decided to blogged it here. Also, I realised that I haven't been doing much fruitful things recently. I hope that's not the reason for me thinking too much and feeling more and more emo. Better get something meaningful to do to keep my mind from thinking these negative things, they're really torturous to my brain and my heart. They arouse great complexities of feelings and tons of negative thoughts. Add these 2 together and you will get - insomnia. And that definitely explains my grouchiness for the poor sleep quality I had. Pity I wasn't cranky, if not I would be feeling so excited and hyped up. At least it will be a much more positive me...

Belated Valentines

2010-02-22T07:22:00.000-08:00

Watched the movie - Valentine's Day- with some of my poly classmates. The movie was freaking hilarious, I was laughing throughout the show. Great show to watch if one is moody!

Before that went to lunch, followed by shopping at Far East and Ion. Didn't buy anything though, have been very budget recently.

Nevertheless, after the movie, I went to Airport to chill. Hmm, bought some cosmetics (buying stuff at Terminal 3 are exempted from 7% GST) Gees. Also, went to Terminal 2. Guess what, the Changi Aviation Gallery (in simple terms- viewing mall) is opened! Hurray! Is like finally...I've been waiting for it for quite some time...

The Aviation Gallery was simply cool. There were facts about the airport, and I'm pretty lucky that I managed to see quite a number of planes taking off and landing. Seeing the planes are still my favs.

Had dinner at the airport as well, and then went home straight since it was already quite late then.

Home sweet home, but a very long and tedious day today...

4b'08 Class Gathering!

2010-02-20T08:43:00.000-08:00

Well, it has been a few days since I blogged. This shows how no life I am for the past few days.

Went to Mrs Wee's house for CNY visiting, otherwise known as another 4B class gathering. Thanks a lot for offering us the place & dinner! We made quite some noise I supposed. But the dinner was awesome! The curry noodles? Or whatever you call it, is delicious!

Learnt to play mahjong at a more advanced level. Thanks to the pros' teaching! Also, learnt to play Taboo, recalled how to play Bridge. Hmm, I shall credit myself for being pretty skillful at Taboo!

Not only learning how to play these games, I managed to guide newbies to play Mahjong too! :) Yay! More people learning mahjong = more fun! Shiok man~

Went home at round 11.30 ++ (can't really remember) but reached home at 12.30am, which pissed Dad off... Oh come on, is CNY!!!

Long lost Wednesday

2010-02-17T22:40:00.000-08:00

Went out with my mum yesterday, the last time I went out with my parents was like ages ago...

We went to Waterloo Street for prayers - she said people born under the Monkey Year 'fan tai sui' and thus need to go temples to pray. Well, I don't really know what it means, but just pray when she asked me too..

I went with complexed feelings. It's time to make choices - adventist or combination of taoism and buddhism. How naiive was I to think that I can strike a balance in between the 2? How much have I fantasized in the past to hope for such solution? Stuck at this crossroad, I really have no idea which to choose.

Perhaps some of you who know me would think that is pretty stupid of me in a sense such a day is brought about by myself - the choice is actually very obvious.

But then, going to church has really broadened my experiences and made me learnt a lot. It is something that I never had before.

After going for prayers, I brought her for dinner at MacDonalds, followed by shopping at Bugis Street and Bugis Junction.

Trust me, we really shopped. And what's more amazing was that, she bought more stuff than me at Bugis Street despite the Streets was more of a teens' hangout place for street casual styles.

She bought a bag, a pair of shades, and more which I can't remember at the moment, cause we came home in bags...

Meanwhile, she sponsored me a top and 2 pairs of shades! Hurray mum! =D

Love is in the Air!

2010-02-16T10:46:00.000-08:00

Hahax, well I'm 2 days late for this post. Well, Valentines clashes with the first day of CNY. Thus, I have been blogging too much about CNY and neglected my Valentines.

Hope the couples enjoyed their valentines! Is pretty tough to coordinate the 2 big days into 1, but nevertheless, I think things will work out just fine :)

Hmm, sad for me, still no Valentines for the year - single and available. Very free but no romance. What am I saying..

Changed my playlist to love songs..Music shall be my valentine for the year of 2010 then...^^

Happy Chinese New Year!

2010-02-15T06:16:00.000-08:00

Happy Chinese New Year to everyone! It's already 2010, the year of the Tiger :)

Have been visiting my grandmas' (both paternal and maternal) houses. Thus, shall combine the 2 days into 1 entry.

On the first day, my family went to our paternal side. Hmm, to be precise, we went to our uncle's house, cause my grandma is living with them at the moment. Had a lot of new year goodies, as delicious and as 'custom' as ever.

Moved on to talking to my cousins in her room. We talked and talked, gave them their birthday presents and that's about it I guessed?

At night, I called to make a reservation for a room in K-Box at Hougang Plaza. We went as a big group of cousins (the youth generation), sang from 10pm-3am. Shiok ar, I kept singing non-stop I realised. Sorry guys, my bad - tendency to hogging mics. Not only did my mic hogging habit acted up, my camwhore habit too! I started to take quite a few photos of us in the room till my camera battery went flat. LOL.

Cabbed home after singing and thanks sis for paying the cab fare...Gees

Thanks to the singing, I slept at like 4am, and woke up at approximately 2.40pm the very next day. Nevertheless, I wasn't the latest to wake up in the family. But, 2.40, desperately late for visiting at my maternal grandma's place.

After getting ourselves ready, we cabbed down to our maternal grandma's place. We reached at 5, which was extremely late. We were never so late before! :(

I felt really apologetic and guilty towards my maternal grandma. She has been missing us so much. (our last visit was almost half a year ago? It was so long that I could not remember)

Furthermore, this year, was the only exception year that we were unable to have a reunion dinner with her as no one could make it at the very last min. She must be really depressed and disappointed with us)

For the fact that we were very late for the day, we had to rush our later schedules. Spent only 1.5 hours plus at my maternal grandma's house (which is the shortest period of time I ever remembered), we cabbed down to our paternal relatives' house to join them for visiting.

Random complain: I soiled my white dress while washing the dishes over at my grandma's house :S. It was the first time I'm wearing my white dress and yet I got chilli sauce on it! Arrgh!

Meanwhile, the taxi driver took a super long detour - we were supposed to go from Chai Chee to Hougang. And guess what, the uncle drove us back to Tampines, then to TPE before turning into Hougang! That is like how far an extra route. I live in Tampines! How is it possible to drive back to Tampines to go Hougang. If that is the case I would have requested to go home. Thus, my dad got into a bit of argument with the driver and the taxi driver, in fear of complains about him, decided not to charge us for the trip. Despite so, my dad did not want to take a free ride for nothing. He paid some money still.

Again, caught up with my cousins. Well, this cousin of mine has an amazing internet business, she converted her living room into her own work room! Cool huh? I'm so envious, able to work from home anytime..wow...

Well, I got a few freebies from her - masks and sunblocks.

Not long after, it was late, while some of my relatives decided to go to K Box at Hougang Plaza again (which I rejected), some of the others went visiting at other places. For my family, we went straight home to clean up our house, cause it's my house that they'll be coming over tomorrow.

Home sweet home at last! Hectic worth of 2 days...

Gong Xi Fa Cai

2010-02-13T08:59:00.000-08:00

Honestly speaking, I'm really, really tired for the day. But it's the first day of CNY, supposed to enjoy it to the max. Thus, this post is going to be pretty short cause I'm quite drained for the long day.

Had my reunion dinner at 9 plus since Dad was on full-day shift (that means he only ended work at 8pm). It should be called a reunion supper than a reunion dinner... Well, I did helped a bit in preparing for the steamboat, and I realised working about in the kitchen is so not my thing too. I almost created more trouble than be of some help. While having the reunion supper, I totally understand what they mean by "A hungry man is an angry man." TOTALLY.

Then, stayed up late. Well, it was supposed to be a custom which they call it "Shou Ye". It means that the kids actually stay up late on the eve of the new year as a custom to hope for longevity for their parents. For me, I'm used to staying up late at night (I'm nocturnal). Therefore, it wasn't much of a great difference for me.

However, there are seriously a lot of things undone. Even though I had done quite a few things today, I'm extremely tired. Guess I will still have to stay up late to finish them before I sleep. Goodbye my beauty sleep.

Meanwhile, shall reflect what are the things I have done and what are the things to be done for the night.

Completed:

1. Pack my sleeping room

2. Pack my cupboards in my sis' room

3. Change bedsheets for my mum

4. Collated junk from everyone in the house and threw them at the void deck

5. Helped Mum with some sai gang (some clearing and shifting of stuff, etc)

To finish tonight:

1. Wrap gifts for cousins

2.Pack bag for tomorrow's visiting

3.Manicure ( if there's enough time)

4. Set new goals for the year ( that is so unlikely to be done tonight)

5. Make sure everything is neat and clear (just appealing to the eyes will do :P)

Friday is here!

2010-02-12T07:45:00.000-08:00

It's the Eve's eve of Chinese New Year 2010!

Started my day with shopping with some of my church friends. We went Orchard to shop, and we really shopped. Walked for 5 hours, and I only bought a cap - cause my total assets added up to only 30 bucks (pathetically). Thus, I bought myself a cap; supposed to be 23, but after discount was 21. That makes my whole asset left with 9 bucks (literally 9 bucks inclusive of my bank savings)

After all the shopping, headed down to church for cell.

My first meeting in my new cell group! Hmm, was pretty awkward, cause we were all new to each other, so is like very unfamiliar, very quiet...My cell leader had a hard time trying to break the ice between us..But oh well, new cell, new experiences, AGAIN! Woots~

Before I forget, great thanks to Christon for giving me a ride home! And I dropped my phone in your car, paiseh :S

No More a Freshie

2010-02-11T03:33:00.000-08:00

Oh right, in a very very bad mood today, like extremely.

My last day as a freshmen in Poly, only had my CDS class today (Calculus End-of-semester test). It is already such a spoiler to have a test on the last day of school. Worst still, it is 30%, the heaviest component of the whole subject.

It was not supposed to be so bad, I thought. Like I always tell my friends around me, " Calculus isn't hard at all, it's one of the easiest to score. As long as you get the answer, you get the marks, you can't go wrong!"

Now, I totally feel like taking back that sentence. I gotta pray so hard for leeways or things like error-carry-forward marks. Never did I expect that I could not do more than half the paper! I SWEAR, MORE THAN HALF THE PAPER!! Is like, that's the end of me. The chances to pass it seems fully dependent on miracles or it won't succeed.

Here's the problem, since this darn component is the heaviest 30%, if I fail the paper, am i going to fail my CDS? I seriously can't imagine that, failing Maths again? How hard had I worked in the past so that I ensure myself totally out of the 'fail zone' and now I'm gonna fail my Maths again? Besides, not only will my average GPA be gone forever, it will be my first fail ever in Poly, and seriously a stupid subject to fail. Cause is CDS! I chose it thinking that it was my forte and yet I still failed it????!!!!!

What on earth is it coming to???!!!

1C02 - my very first class in Poly

2010-02-10T03:09:00.001-08:00

Hmm, sudden rush of thoughts, hence posted by 2nd entry for today...

After today, there will be no more classes as 1C02. The day has finally came. We completed our first year of Poly. Unbelievable, it feels as if that school has just started!

Frankly speaking, I'm really thankful to be in the class, I got so many people to be thankful for!

First, I wanna be thankful that I'm in such a pretty good class, I of the best I've been. Everyone seemed quite friendly with each other, like I am able to talk better with Keith now. I will never forget the great courage I needed for starting a conversation with him cause I didn't really know what to talk to him.

Next, thankful for the clique - Melody, Nava, Si Jia and Deanna. They are always so friendly and so ready to offer help and solutions even though I don't hang out with them often. Sorry that I drifted off from you guys. I still remembered that I was always hanging around with you guys for the very first few weeks of school. Friends forever ya?

Thanks to my current clique - Yi Ting, Monica and Ting Ke, for always hanging around together and undergo all the tough times when it comes to projects. Really grateful for your cares and concerns which never fails to make my day. And, especially Ting Ke, always ended up being my listening ear to hear all my nonsensical complains. Somehow, kinda funny, I seem to be complaining non-stop huh?

Not to forget, Leroy. He's seriously one amazing guy. He is one of the few that can totally understand my way of thinking and give me answers to my questions which I could rarely solve by myself especially when it has something to do with life. Million thanks for always offering help when I'm in need and be there for me to solve my troubles. Also, very thankful that you brought me to Jurong SDA, a place where I never dreamt that I will enter.

Because of that, I get to know such awesome, friendly and wild church friends. Their hype never seems to end! Hanging out with them enhances my life experiences totally. There were so many things that I never expected myself to do! So many first-times I get to try as I spend time with you guys. For instance, attending cell meetings, joining the Worship Ministry, going for ice-skating, learning about my relationship with God, singing on stage, sitting by the river to chat for the night, etc. There were simply so many things I did for the first time after knowing you guys.

Thus, I seriously wanna be thankful for the wonderful year I had. Although I didn't get to accomplish anything big, but playing around and having new experiences, I feel is already a big breakthrough for me..

Cheers to my first year of Poly life for 09/10 ! =P

Last day with 1C02

2010-02-10T02:38:00.000-08:00

Today is the last day for tutorial with 1C02. But I have my Calculus tutorial tomorrow, that makes tomorrow my last day of school, and it will end with the End-of-year Semester test which is 30% of my whole CDS...Oh my god...

Well, had my final individual presentation today for Persuasive Communication. I screwed it up quite a lot, even though my friends said that I did pretty fine. Given a choice to choose a topic that we want to present, I chose: sleep early to stay healthy. Wanted to cut short on my speech, I decided not to follow my cue cards the very last minute and try impromptu. Thus, I only brought part of my cards.

And there it goes, I had stage fright, and was quite nervous. I became heavily dependent on my script and I left myself with a portion of the pathetic script of mine. Thus, my tongue became tied, I mispronounced quite a few words and I began stammering, affecting my fluency in speech.

Next, went for Photography tutorial which lasted for at most half an hour. Hmm, today's lesson was plainly submitting our group project. Accidents happened again. My group's photos were in 6R when the requirement is 8R. Most importantly, it wasn't our fault! Yesterday when developing, we told the uncle 8R. Somehow, due to the extreme cropping that might occur if we insist on 8R, the uncle resized for us and develop the pictures into 6R size WITHOUT TELLING US! He didn't even ask for our permission.

Initially, we didn't realize. We simply took the developed photos as 8R. Until we looked at other group's photos and dang! It was very much of a difference! The size was very off! Nevertheless, we had no choice but to submit the wrong size since we cant afford to reprint, be the cost or the time.

We handed in our mounted photos and explained to our tutor. However, it was not of much help since there is a specific marking criteria to follow when grading the project. Thus, we were going to be penalized...

After handing in the project, we headed down to Parkway Sakae Sushi for a gathering to remark the last day for 1C02..

Hmm, very depressing, cause I didn't have enough money for the buffet. Hence, ended up with Yi Ting and Keith sitting on a seperate table. We sang those songs we know. After a while, I could no longer take the hunger and ordered salmon sushi and salmon and mango temaki.

The salmon and mango temaki is delicious! Worth trying! The combination of salmon and mango is simply so heavenly! :)

Moral of the story, never let myself me bankrupt AGAIN!

Photog Group Project

2010-02-07T14:31:00.000-08:00

Alright, it's a Sunday and I have to wake up before the Sun rises. Well, I'm meeting my group members - Yi Ting, Monica and Ting Ke - to do our photography group assignment.

Traveled all the way to Commonwealth and million thanks to Ting Ke's dad for driving us there, apologies that we were late too.

When we reached Commonwealth Crescent block 118 (otherwise known as the 16th storeys food centre) , we immediately get down to find the store. Guess what the boss' wife recognised us that we were there for a photography group assignment!

Felt very guilty for getting their way in operating their business, cause they were already so busy and yet we had to stand like right in front of the stall to take the shots. Fortunately, the people there were EXTREMELY FRIENDLY, serious, EXTREMELY. Not only were they very cooperative during the shoots, they even gave suggestions and talked to us as we were taking shots of the various angles! Cool right, rarely get to meet so nice people, so cooperative and friendly.

Then, we requested for the boss to save like 4 bowls of prawn noodles for us to try ( it became 3 after that cause Ting Ke and I shared 1) Nevertheless, the boss took our orders and guess what, he treated us! HE TREATED US TO A BOWL OF PRAWN NOODLES EACH! OMG!

It was already tough for them to make profits out of the noodles, 1 bowl of prawn noodles was selling at $2 only. Yet the boss treated us on his own accord! And, we weren't helping them in their business, we kept getting in their way when we did close - up shots, thus restricting their movements and slowing down their pace of service.

We had great difficulties in panning, it was so hard to get a good one! The toughest was silhouette. No one has an idea on how to take a silhouette shot cause the lightings were not suitable. Meanwhile, we don't see the link on how we can do a silhouette shot on a prawn noodle business. Is like, How to do? What to portray?

Stayed there for around 2 hours, and after taking our photos, we took our final photos with the boss and then went home straight. Home sweet home!!! ^^

Church

2010-02-06T20:58:00.000-08:00

First, I spent my morning and afternoon in church. In the morning, oh well, the usual routine-worshipping, sermon, and lunch with big Brian, Mandy and Leroy. It was a pretty solemn atmosphere, I felt quite awkward. Perhaps is because many youths I know weren't there?

I was quite worried for the Power Up that was coming up in the afternoon. I didn't receive any message from my leader about the quick practice. Although he messaged me at like 5.50am on Thursday and I replied that I wouldn't be available on Friday evening ( I replied at 6am), I didn't receive any updates after that. Thus, I was anxious about the performance for Power Up.

After my lunch, I rushed back to church to ask my cell leader about his plans for the Power Up. He referred me to Anthea as he left her in-charge instead.

Anthea and Truddy told me that they'll be the only 2 singing on ad hoc basis. It was 1.30pm then and they have not decided which 2 songs to sing. Worst still, I do not know most of the songs as I am quite new to church. In the end, it was decided that Truddy, Tricia, Clara and Anthea sang on behalf of the worship ministry while I be the audience since I barely know the songs. Cheers to them, they sang really well! :)

So, it was 2.30pm and Power Up started, after the marvellous worshipping led by our 4 pretty singers, there were mini ice breakers and video screenings (the video that Andrew made was very nice too!! Andrew very pro! LOL) There was also introductions of what the various youth ministries and our upcoming plans, announcement of new cell leaders and Pastor Ben gave a persuasive speech on why we should join the cell and youth ministries.

After Power Up, we decided to go to Ngee Ann Poly to help her with her filming project. We headed down by bus and Bernice led us to this apartment which they rented. The room was freaking cosy, is like, they actually furnished it so nicely that it can be even be like HDB flats for families to stay. The designs of the apartment was pretty cool too, many corners and weren't the usual flat designs. Is even more awesome than chalets!

We ordered MacDonald's Delivery for dinner while waiting for our turns to film ( we were only calefares) We sang in the room, played a guitar, chit-chatted...By the time for us to start our shooting, it was already 10 pm.

Got to know a few more friends in the shoot, and we finished our part within an hour or less, since we are not involved in many scenes. We rushed to take the last train home and was fortunately in time. Reached home at 1am, and slept at around 2 plus am, the long day has finally came to an end...

Long day, but fun day

2010-02-05T08:10:00.000-08:00

This shall be a long post. I had a superb tiring, but extremely fun day today!

First, I went to school to borrow the camera cause I gotta do a photography group assignment this coming Sunday.

Then, I went to Bugis to shop for new year clothes. Well, I'm not sure if is called speed shopping, cause I spent like 3hrs in deciding what to wear for Chinese New Year. It was like, I went into this shop, I saw a pair of jeans I like, then as I was paying the money, I saw this top and I just agreed to buy the top also. How fast a decision was made...

Next, I went back home AGAIN- to put down my clothes before going for my I-guides gathering.

Well, I met Chin Choo at Tampines Interchange, and while on the way to TP, we met Jac. We were desperately late...Almost an hour late..OMG

Despite being late, we went to Business School to check for our names for BSL Camp Enlistment. And YAY, I got in! My course is pretty sad, there were only a total of 3 people, I was the only year 1...

Lastly, was I-guides gathering! Fun to the max! There were programmes planned by the committee (there was a game on colours that got all of us in awfully wrong positions.) Nevertheless, we had lots of fun!

Hmm, spent quite some time camwhoring. (Thanks guys for willing to take photos with me upon my random requests) During the gathering, dinner was offered which I didnt eat much cause the beehoon and otah are both spicy. Then, we sat and talked together.

After our dinner, we proceeded back to the alumni lounge to continue camwhoring..

Soon, it was 9pm- we had to clear the place by then. However, that was not the end. A group of moved to the first storey (outside Bistro) to continue taking pictures again. This time, more funky shots and not forgetting, the tedious jump shots.

While a handful of the girls headed home first, Pamela, Meng Yun and I stayed to wait for Aston for supper. Quite a bit of time was delayed as we met another group of I-guides at the mushroom and hence chatted for a while with them.

Around 10 plus, Aston, Pamela and I went to 85. We ate, we talked, we crapped. After all the fun, we 'started' to go home...

I didnt expect myself to enjoy so much being with I-guides. Apologies to my other friends whom I always pilot just because I wanted to participate in I-guides events.But seriously, I never regretted joining I-guides, cause they are always bringing me comfort and happiness.

I-guides is very, very, very fun! I-guides FTW ^^

Screwed?

2010-02-04T05:47:00.000-08:00

Today was the end-of-semester test for MMP, totally screwed it cause I focused on the wrong topics..This was the first time my spots were so haywire....

But then, it is something like I brought it upon myself. Since, I was happily facebooking, talking on the phone etc rather than focusing my preparations. Is that why God decided to teach me a lesson on it?

Then, I had calculus tutorial. We were given a sample paper to do, and I realised I could not do more than half of it simply cause I hadn't been paying attention in class and have been lagging behind lessons..I missed like almost a month of each lectures and tutorial exercises!

Finally reached home, saw the new fridge. But wasnt very happy though. Cause I am already very tired, and yet my parents kept bickering non-stop about the issues of the new fridge..

Cant they just be contented and make do with it? IT IS AFTERALL NEW!!

However, when my sis came home, complications arised.

She couldn't shut her mouth the minute she got home and thus that irritated me more. And, she realised that the deliveryman sent us the wrong fridge! It was a completely different model from what we ordered! Oh well, another big wooha started, which annoys me cause again, no more peace at home :(

An itch to blog

2010-02-03T04:36:00.001-08:00

LOL, this blog was created as I was procrastinating...I don't wanna study MMP. I dread it! :(

I HAVE TO FOCUS, THERE'S ALOT TO STUDY!!!!!!

Please let me overcome this tedious module..please...