"To be or not to be, that's a question" has never once been forgotten at all.

Kinda lost at what I should do for the upcoming times, which is then the best solution, what is it that i really want; I am totally clueless for once.

Well, at the chalet, was talking to a couple of my colleagues, helped with the bbq-ing of food and also some basic clearing up? Hahax, yea, was trying very hard to keep myself preoccupied and avoiding some people....

At night, after all the bbq-ing, was asked to sit in the drinking session, which terrified me ttm.. It was freaking Vodka and Martel with mixer...In the end, became i was part of the drinking game somemore.

Played saboteur, yea some wins and losses, by the time i was at my 3rd cup of Martel with Ginger Eel, I'm already starting to feel damn dizzy. Stopped the game and watched them played, they played heart attack too...Man that was another crazy one. Lots of dramatic things happened then which was super funny...

After that, by the time they finished the game, I was slowly back to my normal mode. While the others were sleeping, I went out for a stroll and thought through some stuff, and the only conclusion that I can come up with was : to finish up with my school projects as their deadlines are pressing, then really reconsider and reset my goals on what I really want, and then, what I need to do..Honestly speaking, I'm not sure if I can pull through the 3rd time and 'revive' over there. In fact, I wasnt even sure if it was a right choice to hang in there for so long in the first place. All the feelings I had was that it was a wrong choice from the start, but just that Im in a denial mode to admit I chose wrongly.

Oh well, to be or not to be; for once i cant even assure myself what future I wanna give for myself, nor what to do..

these few nights have been awfully weird...all the negativity are like surging into me.. is like, extreme and fast mood swings, 1 moment i feel motivated, and another i feel like giving everything up and taking a break..super ironic and insanely emotional, even i myself cant believe that i can be so emotional..

another weird things is that the telepathy feeling that i can 'sense' from the people whom i care, is coming back....starting to have breathing difficulty more and more often recently, not only that occasionally i tend to feel surges of heartaches as well...wonder who is the one feeling this way, is that all from the same person?? hope that he will be alright..

time to get back to my assignments..oh my tian -.-

Almost everything cocked up that day!! OMG!!

Firstly, pitch session, our group didnt know that we were required to submit a hard copy of the finalised proposal. Then, I went down on behalf of my group to go to the lab to do the proposal. That was a mad rush, trying to finish half a proposal within like 10 - 20 min?

And after that, when I was printing, i was called back to class to finish up the presentation first, damn i was missing from class for like almost 40min. And, 40min to print that few pieces of paper is like obviously absurd...

Well, that's only the pitch session part. Level 3 of hell comes in for the 1 + 2 recording.

Our guest to be interviewed was MIA!!! WTH!!

Everyone in the group became very stressed up and panicky. Almost every aspect in our multi cam will be marked down because of that...Oh my tian, and grades meant so much to the girls.

Nevertheless, thankfully for having a guy in our group who is calmed, composed and rational. Really thankful for Vance being in our group. As i see the girls panicking and frustrated, I was feeling frustrated too. But i know that i cant show as a studio director, i have to lead them, in fact, i have to lead the whole team of almost 10 people. if i panick and show all my negativity and frustrations, the rest wont be led well... and that will bring even more harm to the recording.

Slowly, one by one, more issues surfaced.

1. VT had problem recording

2. Audio file cant be read - may result in no opening music and no music for VT

3. CG machine down

Despite all the cock ups, thankfully.. Vance's calmness made me cool down bit by bit.. Although i tried to act as if everything was still going within our control, (well, dont know if how well i acted it out) but yea, TingKe knew me too well.. She knew that it was still an act afterall. Was trying to be as calm as Vance, thought of solutions on the spot, as fast as i could, and slowly solved them eventually one by one..

Nevertheless, BIG THANK YOU FOR T04 FOR MULTICAM CLASS!!! You guys are the best classmates I ever have! This is the second time I enjoyed being in tp cmm, really.. You guys took so much initiative to help my group up. Even though there were so many cock ups and so much passing of instructions, you guys could understand what I wanted despite there were so many sets of my different instructions. Worst still, I was so stressed up that I honestly didnt have any idea of what i was saying, whether was it clear to my crew. I just shot what I thought of, but no idea if the message was conveyed correctly. But amazingly, you guys actually knew what I was referring to! That was like a miracle!!!

All in all, the recording went smooth; after like 3 or 5 times of recording and 2 actual ones...In total we repeated the same thing for like going to 10 times??? From 11am, briefing, trying out till recording till 1230pm. Must be super tiring and exhaustive for you guys, but thanks for your utmost cooperation!

It is really, really hard to balance both work and school. Everything seems to be off balance, and because of that, a lot of commotions and issues are rising up at the same time, draining at least twice or even thrice of the amount of energy that is draining as compared to previously...

Lots of casualties caused due to me...really sorry for those who cared for me. I do know that at my current stage and condition right now, i cant make any more promises...but the only thing i can assure now to you all will be that i will do to my best, and please everyone as much as i can. I totally have no idea how much i can do, but i only know that i will give in my best effort to make everything as nice as possible.

But honestly speaking, personally, i feel like throwing everything aside and hide myself...but i know that this is gonna disappoint everyone even further. i may be staggering and super unstable for now, but i know that if i were to leave everything like that, things will only get worse...

Wish me all the best, may everything turn out fine..

Lots of fun and laughter again, it has been such a long time since i am so relaxed, not thinking about work or school...The feeling was awesome, just a group of fun and wild friends coming together, doing something in common, livening up the atmosphere :) It has been so long since I found myself in such state of happiness. Really, really thankful for the guides, they have never failed to make me enjoy my poly life to the max =D

He is finally sick, after all the long fight that he has put up with for the past...one year ?( as much as I know) cause i didnt know the past..All i know is that he has been putting up strong ever since 2010 started.

After all the intense fights that come one after another, he persevered, refusing to admit defeat. No matter how tough how pessimistic things could have been, he hid them within himself, not wanting the others to know. As much as his eyes were tired and lonely, he said nothing. All he did was only to give himself to the max, in fact over his limits to his team mates. He left nothing for himself.

Nevertheless, Im thankful that he is sick actually, cause it is only this time, he can have some time for himself, really... He thought too much for others, and hid all the negativity and fears too well beneath himself...It's really time to rest and re-charge. May you get well soon...

Time still goes by even as i am blogging, lots of revelations dawned upon me... A lot of things that it is only at this time, i suddenly realised, i neglected too many precious moments, many precious memories, people, things and places..Lots of things i wanted to do before the year ends but i no longer have the power, the strength and courage to fulfill them all. There are a lot of things I've yet to do, lots of appreciation yet to thanks, lots of apologies yet to owned up for my mistakes, and the year is coming to an end.

What's worse is that instead of facing them all in the remaining few days that I have for the year, I chose to escape. I have a strong urge to cast everything aside and leave the mess alone. What cowardice I am. Indeed, an act of an incapable leader, only to show myself that even under such strong training and guidance i've yet to improve. Only to realise that I am still the same old me, no wonders if they are disappointed in me...

Now, really, it is already the 27 dec of 2010, 4 more days to go...What else can I do? In fact, what should I do? Is there even a chance for me to end everything gloriously? Or i should do nothing and wait for things to happen?